Its All About Jokes

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn‘t matter… he won‘t come to you anyway!

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What do you call a guy at your front door with no legs or arms?

Matt!

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I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn‘t looking good either.

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I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn‘t there the first time you need him, chances are you won‘t be needing him again.

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Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you‘d want to have with dinner.

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Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

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Men are like coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.

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Men are like coffee: The best ones are rich, warm, and keep you up all night long.

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Men are like horoscopes: They always tell you what to do, and they are always wrong.

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Men are like plungers: They spend most of their time in the hardware store or the bathroom.

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Men are like parking spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

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Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?

When it‘s time to go back to childhood, he‘s already there.

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Why are men like commercials?

You can‘t believe a word they say.

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