Its All About Jokes

Yo mama‘s so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

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Yo mama‘s so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

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Yo mama‘s so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.

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Yo mama‘s so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn‘t get a menu, she gets an estimate.

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Yo mama‘s so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.

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Yo mama‘s so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.

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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

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How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

None. The invisible hand does it.

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

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Have you ever noticed… anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

George Carlin

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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She‘s 97 today and we don‘t know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneris

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I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

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I‘m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

Carol Leifer

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I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.

Ed Bluestone

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I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said “I‘d like some fries“.

The girl at the counter said “Would you like some fries with that“.

Jay Leno

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Why don‘t oysters give to charity?

Because they‘re shellfish.

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What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?

Nuclear fission.

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Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?

Because it had a nice groove in it!

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How can you tell if a redneck is married?

There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.