Its All About Jokes

. . . people come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage business.

. . . your house plants aren’t in pots.

. . . you think the stock market has a fence around it.

. . . you wear a tank top to your mother’s funeral.

. . . your front yard looks like a Toys R Us after a tornado.

. . . you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

. . . everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.

. . . you’ve ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall.

. . . making beer is a neighborhood project.

. . . you clean your fingernails with a stick.

. . . you’ve ever gotten in fist fight in a laundromat over a dryer.

. . . there is a restraining order on your pets.

. . . you secretly get your firewood from your neighbor’s yard.

. . . you wipe your feet before you walk out of your house.

. . . your 5-year-old can rebuild a carburetor.

. . . your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

. . . you take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants.

. . . your best jacket has an advertisement on the back of it.

. . . your car insurance deductible is higher than the value of your car.

. . . in preparation for your upcoming wedding, your register your Tupperware pattern.

. . . you are famous for your impression of a dog choking on a chicken bone.

. . . you consider tattooing a do-it-yourself job.

. . . one of your fantasies involves a bulldozer.

. . . your wife’s best shoes have steel toes.

. . . your picture is on the wall of more than three bait stores.

. . . your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck.

. . . you buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.

. . . you’ve ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.

. . . you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

. . . your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

. . . you’ve ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your vehicle.

. . . your screen door has no screen.

. . . there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

. . . the receptionist is responsible for checking the rat traps at your place of business.

. . . your family reunion is sponsored by a beer company.

. . . your church has a “happy hour.”

. . . you’ve ever shot someone over a mall parking space.

. . . there is trophy in your house with the word “spitting” on it.

. . . you open beer bottles with your belt buckle.

. . . you’ve ever filled your deer tag on a golf course.