28 Jul

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

. . . the passengers enter your vehicle through the driver’s-side door.

. . . you had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.

. . . you think “Chablis” is the name of last month’s Playboy centerfold.

. . . you save cooking grease in a coffee can.

. . . you inherited a Styrofoam cooler.

. . . there’s no cutoff age for sleeping with your parents.

. . . your doghouse and your living room both have the same shag carpet.

. . . you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

. . . you’ve ever had to move a car seat to make love.

. . . you’re familiar with Copenhagen but have never heard of Denmark.

. . . your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.

. . . you think a stock tip is advice on wormin’ your hogs.

. . . you don’t have a home phone.

. . . you think “Ross Perot” is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early.

. . . you think “trash TV” is something in your backyard.

. . . stealing road signs is a family outing.

. . . you think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.

. . . you’ve ever changed the numbers on your house so the police can’t find you.

. . . you have an above ground pool and you fish in it.

. . . your bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.

. . . an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

. . . you thing “megabytes” means a good day fishing.

. . . you’ve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.

. . . your deer stand has an address.

. . . you have more things with Hank Williams Jr.’s name on them than your own.

. . . you think a lavatory is a breed of dog.

. . . you’ve ever taken a date flowers you’ve stole from a cemetery.

. . . you’ve ever relieved yourself from a moving vehicle.

. . . you use old auto parts as a boat anchor.

. . . your pickup truck and wife are the same age.

. . . your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.

. . . you’ve ever given livestock as a wedding present.

. . . you think safe sex means putting on the emergency brake.

. . . people hear your car a long time before they see it.

. . . your 23-channel CB radio is used to communicate with your family.

. . . your bridal veil was made of window screen.

. . . you call your boss “dude.”