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You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . it’s impossible to see food stains on the fabric of your work uniform.
. . . you think that anyone with ten fingers and toes is abnormal.
. . . you need one more hole punched in your card before you get a “freebie” at the House of Tattoos.
. . . you have a personal account of a UFO sighting.
. . . you think a hard drive is driving more than one hour.
. . . you’ve ever taken a generator and a 27-inch TV camping.
. . . you help booby trap your family’s marijuana crop.
. . . you have ever made a frog-gigging spear.
. . . the last time you saw your daddy outside, he was picking up trash, chained to three other guys.
. . . your mother’s only shoes are house slippers.
. . . your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside.
. . . you wear knee-high stockings with a skirt.
. . . you follow the tractor pull circuit.
. . . you have more electronic equipment in your truck than in your house.
. . . your primary income involves pigs or manure.
. . . your best sofa came out of a Chevrolet.
. . . your favorite T-shirt is declared offensive in at least 13 states.
. . . you were expelled from summer school.
. . . you’ve ever been asked for your autograph at a rattlesnake roundup.
. . . you attend a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops.
. . . your baby’s crib mobile is made out of beer cans.
. . . you’ve ever been asked to leave Shoney’s all-you-can-eat breakfast.
. . . you have a grave in your yard.
. . . you’ve ever stolen toilet paper.
. . . you think the theory of relativity has something to do with inbreeding.
. . . your deceased hunting dog’s tombstone is larger than your grandfather’s.
. . . you wake up in the morning already dressed for work.
. . . you think the police can’t see you because your truck is painted camouflage.
. . . your car ashtray is so packed, you can’t get it out.
. . . you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
. . . you’re driving a vehicle with no original body parts.
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