28 Jul

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

. . . you know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.

. . . you’ve ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.

. . . your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.

. . . you’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

. . . you time your belches to achieve a personal best.

. . . your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.

. . . the fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.

. . . your favorite restaurant has the word “eats” anywhere in the name.

. . . there’s graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.

. . . you have grease under your toenails.

. . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.

. . . the most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is “What the hell are you lookin’ at Diphead?”

. . . your best coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn’t.

. . . your mother has more chest hair than your father.

. . . you think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

. . . you think a manicure is some kind of French doctor.

. . . your mama saves aluminum foil.

. . . you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

. . . you clean your house with a water hose.

. . . during the wedding ceremony the minister said, “Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?”

. . . the game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.

. . . you pawned your grandfather’s pocket watch because you needed beer money for the weekend.

. . . you took your coon dogs on your honeymoon.

. . . you drive across town to see a car wreck.