Its All About Jokes

. . . you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.

. . . you’ve ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.

. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.

. . . you’ve ever valet parked a snow plow.

. . . you’ve ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.

. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.

. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.

. . . you’ve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies.

. . . there are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.

. . . you have a Bud Light pool-table light hanging over your dining room table.

. . . the strongest smell in your house is butane.

. . . you think paprika is a Third World country.

. . . you ask the preacher, “How’s it hanging?”

. . . you go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.

. . . you have a bumper sticker that says, “My mother’s an honor student” at the local junior high.

. . . you think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.

. . . you played the banjo in your high school band.

. . . the velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.

. . . you have no hubcaps on your car because you’re using them to feed your hunting dogs.

. . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.

. . . your mother doesn’t put shoes on to go grocery shopping.

. . . you’ve ever been blacklisted by a bowling alley.

. . . you honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

. . . anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.

. . . you don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

. . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.

. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.

. . . you owe a taxidermist more than your monthly income.

. . . you’ve ever caught bugs just so you could throw them in the bug zapper.

. . . you have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.

. . . you’ve ever hollered, “Rock the house, Bubba!” during a piano recital.

. . . your kids’ favorite bedtime story is “Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.”

. . . your watchband is wider than any book you’ve ever read.