Its All About Jokes

A man who owned a hand-operated rotisserie (rotating spit for cooking meat) was barbecuing a chicken in his back yard when a hippie strolled by.
The hippie stood and watched for a couple of minutes and then said slowly, ‘Uh… I don‘t want to bug you man, but your music‘s stopped, and your monkey‘s on fire.‘

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q: Why don‘t the monkeys in the jungle play poker any more?
A: There are just too many Cheetahs.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because he was dead!

A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The barman goes, ‘You can‘t bring that animal in here!‘ But the guy goes, ‘Hey, he does tricks. Watch!‘ He taps on the crocodile‘s head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile‘s mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile‘s head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his penis out, and he goes, ‘I‘ll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that.‘ Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, ‘I… I think I can do that. But I don‘t think I can leave my mouth open that long!‘

Q: What‘s the difference between your mother in law and a crocodile?
A: Crocodiles are kind. They tear at your flesh and hold you under the water to drown, then they push your body under an old log to rot.
Q: What‘s the similarity between a Crocodile and Windows?
A: Neither of them has enough bytes.

Q: How many arms has a crocodile got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner

On the other side is my favorite jungle resident, Old Smiley, one of the laziest crocodiles in these parts. I do suggest that you keep your hands inside the boat because Smiley is always looking for a hand out.
And on the other side is Old Smiley. Did you know that crocodiles have remained basically unchanged for the last 20 million years? It‘s true! And that‘s just about how long Smiley‘s been on this river. He doesn‘t get around much anymore. Usually, he just sort of sits around, waiting for our boats and looking for a hand out.

Dirty Toad

There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant wishes.
‘Fairy,‘ he said. ‘I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other toads.‘

‘Granted!‘ said the fairy, who turned him yellow. Unfortunately, his little toady penis was still yellow.

‘What about my penis?‘ he asked the fairy.

‘Oh! For that, you‘ll have to go see the wizard.‘ And so the toad hopped off to find the wizard. Soon, a pink elephant visited the fairy, and he wished to be turned gray. She granted him the wish, but, as with the toad, his penis was still pink. So she told him to visit the wizard.

‘How do I find the wizard?‘ he asked.

‘Just follow the yellow dick toad.‘

This really really old guy is walking on the beach one day.
He hears a little teenie tiny voice calling out ‘Hey Mister … pssst … come here.‘

He looks around and sees a little tiny frog under a palm tree. He picks it up and it says ‘Hey Mister … if you kiss me, I‘ll turn into a beautiful young woman and your wishes will be my commands forever.‘

He takes the frog, puts it in his pocket, and starts to walk back toward home.

The frog says ‘Hey, what are ya doing? Don‘t ya want to kiss me?‘

The old man says, ‘No … to tell you the truth, at my age, a talking frog is worth a whole lot more to me.‘

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, ‘Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?‘
The mother replies, ‘Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.‘

‘OK,‘ said the son.

A few minutes later the son asks, ‘Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?‘

‘They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert.‘

‘Thanks Mom,‘ replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks, ‘Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?‘ The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, ‘They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.‘

‘That`s great Mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom…‘

‘Yes, son?‘

‘Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?‘