Its All About Jokes

Once Santa and Banta try to land an airplane in the States. They start descending and as they touch the ground Santa screams, the runway is ending…“.

Banta swiftly gets the plane back up in the air… They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, Santa screams again “Get the plane up, the runaway is ending…“.

Banta swiftly gets the plane back up in the air… They make a big turn and start descending again… This goes on again and again…

During their fourth descent Santa says : “Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..“,

“I know“ answers Banta, “But look how wide they made it….“

Santa and Banta decide to go picnicking one day. When they get there, they realize they`ve forgotten the whisky.

Banta says he go and get it if he promises not to eat the chicken till he gets back.

Now, Santa waits and waits till a whole day goes by, when Santa says to himself: Come on, I`m hungry. He is not going to come back so let me eat the chicken anyway.

Suddenly Banta pops up from behind a tree and says: If you do that, I won`t go !

Banta and Santa were working on a roof, when Banta slipped and fell to the ground. Santa leaned over and called out:

“Are you dead or alive, Banta?“

“Alive,“ moaned Banta.

“You are a liar. I donot know whether to believe you or not,“ said Santa

“Then I must be dead,“ said Banta, “because you wouldnot dare call me a liar if I were alive.“

The doctor told Santa that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos.

At the end of 300 days, Santa called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.

What is the problem?“ asked the doctor.

I am 2400 kms from home.“

Santa and Banta are walking home after a night on the piss. They‘ve got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot.

Santa has a brainwave and says to Banta, “Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I‘ll stay out here and look out for the police“.

Banta breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Santa is wondering what the hell he‘s doing.

Eventually Santa sticks his head around the door and sees Banta running from bus to bus and looking very worried.

“What the hell are you doing, get a move on!“

To which Banta replies, “I can‘t find a number 25B anywhere“.

Whereupon Santa, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts, “You idiot, steal a number 27 and we‘ll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!“

Santa lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.

The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the Inspector`s and said, “You`ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.“

“What do you want me to do?“ asked the Inspector.

“I don`t care, just do something about those drivers!“

So the next day he had the local workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Santa called the Inspector and said, “You`ve got to do something about these drivers. The `school crossing` sign seems to make them go faster.“

So, again, he sends out the workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

And that really sped them up. So Santa called and called and called everyday for three weeks.

Finally, he asked, “Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?“

Inspector told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.“ He was going to let Santa do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, after that he got no more calls from Santa.

Three weeks after Santa`s last call, the Inspector decided to call him.

“How`s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?“

“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I`ve got to go. I`m very busy.“ And he hung up the phone. The Inspector thought to himself, “I`d better go to that farmer`s house and look at that sign… There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers.“ So hedrove out to Santa`s house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words:

SLOW: NUDIST COLONY

There were three guys including Santa, talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they had over their wives, while Santa remained quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to Santa and says: “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?“

Santa says: “I`ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.“

The first two guys were amazed.

“What happened then?“ they asked. “Well,“ Santa said, “she told me to `get out from under the bed and fight like a man`.“

A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.

He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.

As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.

“Hey,“ he announced to the technician, “It`s open!“

“I know,“ answered Santa.- “I already got that side.“

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear..“

“Oh Dear!“ the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But .. what happened to your other ear?“

“The scoundrel called back.“

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,

Santa doesn‘t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies,

I‘m coming daily since 4 days,

I press the bell but no one comes out.