Its All About Jokes

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn‘t laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, ‘One day………‘ and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, ‘Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?‘

Santa said laughing and giggling, ‘Oh! How funny Banta‘s joke was!‘

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy‘s camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?

Boss: Wait for more.

Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?

Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don‘t worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

The homeowner was delighted with the way Santa had done all the paintwork on his house.

‘You did a great job,‘ he said as he handed Santa his fees. ‘Also, in order to thank-you, here‘s an extra 500 bucks to take the wife out to dinner and a movie.‘

Santa declined, saying, ‘No, I can‘t accept that.‘

‘I insist,‘ said the man. ‘It would make me very happy if you do it.‘

‘Well,‘ said Santa reluctantly, but with appreciation, ‘If you really don‘t mind it, I‘ll do it.‘

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was Santa, standing there in clean clothes, holding a bouquet of flowers.

Thinking that Santa had forgotten something he asked, ‘What‘s the matter, did you leave something behind?‘

‘Nope,‘ replied Santa. ‘I‘m just here to take the wife out to dinner and a movie like you asked.‘

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…

He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.

Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!

The second archer with a cape lines up in position.

He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood‘s arrow into two!!!

He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!

Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!

It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… SORRY!

Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Banta, She did, but she refused to cook!

Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad.

One day his partner Banta said to him, “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still can’t sell any.”

Santa replied, “Use your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But here’s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think we’ve made a mistake. They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.”

“What a terrific idea,” said Banta. “I’ll send them out today.”

Two week’s later, Banta says to Santa, “What a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.”

Santa and Banta are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Banta smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around.

He says, “Hey, you shit your pants?“

Santa says, “No.“

He believes him and they keep riding. As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Banta stops his horse and turns around.

He then says, “Are you sure you did not shit your pants?“

Santa, “Yes, I am sure.“

They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Santa is swatting the flys away. Banta stops his horse and gets off his horse. He then says, “Get of your horse. Pull down your pants. I thought you said you did not shit your pants?“

Santa replies, “I thought you meant today!“

Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another. Following was the steps followed by him.

1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.

3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file.

4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option.

Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: “Thanks for the beer!“

Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: “Thanks again, this was as good as the first one.“

Well he still hadn‘t had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn‘t going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, “Enjoy, I just spit into the beer.“ He then ran outside to see what had happened.

When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: “You enjoy, I spit in it too!“

Santa went to Banta s house and said, “Oye Banteya, lets go to London“

Banta replied “Yes Santa, par mainu English nahin aandi“ (I can t speak English)

Santa assures Banta that his English skills are better than average, and that he d take care of him in London. Santa and Banta reach London, and pretty soon are sauntering down the middle of a fairly busy road!

A Gori Mem(blonde) pulls up behind them in her Austin Princess and starts of in English …… Oh Man! ,,, You are jay-walking BLAH BLAH don t you have any regard For the traffic rules in this country … etc.. etc..

Santa turns around, looks at the Gori Mem, and Starts rattling off the following at a fairly brisk Pace.

“To the Principal, Government High secondary school, Village Noorpur, Post Office Noorpur, Tehsil Jalandhar, District Jalandhar, Punjab, India. Sir … I am having severe stomach aches since yesterday, and my Phamily doctor has recomended bed rest! …. Please grant me two days sick leave. Yours Obediently …. Santa.“

The Gori is quite baffled at the sudden outburst from Santa, and quitely gets into her car and leaves.

Banta is amazed. He runs up to Santa and says “Oye Santa, tu taan phate chak dite“! Us gori de takkar di angrazi bol ke“ (You put that gori back in her place, your English sounds better than hers)

Santa Shrugs off Banta and says: “oye yeh taa kuch bhi nahin, je jaada tain tain kardi na …. mainu Thirsty Crow te Greedy Daag Dono aande se dono suna dene se“ (that was only a sample, if she would have stuck around I would have recited thirsty crow and Greedy dog for her as well).