Its All About Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If #55
You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.

You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.

Your dog is your alarm clock.

Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck.

You have all the ‘Dukes of Hazzard‘ episodes on tape.

You can give a summary of all the ‘Dukes of Hazzard‘ episodes.

You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.

You Might Be A Redneck If #12
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

Your wife‘s hairdo attracts bees.

Your baby‘s first words are ‘Attention K-Mart shoppers.‘

The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You‘ve ever financed a tattoo.

You Might Be A Redneck If #31
You‘ve ever used a weedeater indoors.

Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right‘.

You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.

Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.

In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack

You Might Be A Redneck If #73
You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.

You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.

You can‘t wait for the Saturday night square dance.

You refer to your truck as if it had a legal first name.

You‘ve ever been given a gun as a present.

Flannel is your favorite color.

You or one of your relatives is named Cletus.

Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.

You Might Be A Redneck If #80
You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.

The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.

You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that‘s holding it together.

People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.

You‘ve ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, ‘ I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today.‘

Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.

You think the internet is a new fishing tool.

There‘s a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it.

You Might Be A Redneck If #28
Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground.

Your master bathroom has the words ‘porta‘ and ‘potty‘ written on the side.

You can‘t take a bath in the winter ‘cause the stream is frozen.

You only bathe when it rains.

You think ‘Dueling Banjos‘ is classical music.

You refer to the Surgeon General‘s Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.

You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.

You‘re 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.

You Might Be A Redneck If #41
You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

You‘ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

You Might Be A Redneck If #7
Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You‘ve ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d‘ouvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You‘ve ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

You Might Be A Redneck If #71
Your masseuse uses lard.

A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

You‘ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You‘ve ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

You list your parole officer as a reference.

You Might Be A Redneck If #88
You keep a chainsaw in the trunk ‘just in case‘.

You‘ve given your gun a woman‘s name.

Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.

You go to the post office to research your family tree.

You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.

You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.

Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

You see a forest fire and think ‘Bar-bee-Q‘.