Its All About Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If #40
It‘s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

You‘ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister‘s honor.

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job–primer red and primer gray.

The tobacco chewers in your family aren‘t just men.

Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire…on her house

The ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You Might Be A Redneck If #4
You think women are turned on by animal sounds.

You think women are turned on by tongue gestures.

You have to dress the kids up to go to Wal*Mart.

You grow a beard because hey, it looks good on your sister.

You‘ve ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.

You know how many bales of hay your car can hold.

You made a hot tub with a trolling motor.

You have a tattoo that says ‘Mother‘ and its spelled wrong.

You Might Be A Redneck If #69
You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

You‘ve ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa

You Might Be A Redneck If #43
You dated your daddy‘s current wife in high school.

You‘re moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing ‘I Will Always Love You‘.

You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events

You Might Be A Redneck If #36
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You Might Be A Redneck If #49
You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

People hear your car long before they see it.

Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

Your birth announcement included the word ‘rug rat‘.

Your bumper sticker says, ‘My other car is a combine.‘

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

You Might Be A Redneck If #25
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.

You have the local taxidermist‘s number on speed dial.

You re-use dental floss to save money.

You Might Be A Redneck If #70
There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.

You‘ve ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

Your house has a kickstand.

You Might Be A Redneck If #30
You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.

You save old kitchen appliances for children‘s Christmas presents.

You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.

Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.

You‘ve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You‘ve ever bought a used cap.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You Might Be A Redneck If #6
You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You‘ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You‘ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.