Its All About Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If #68
You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

You‘ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

When a sign that says ‘Say No To Crack!‘ reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they‘ve got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You Might Be A Redneck If #27
You put a Clapper on your headlights.

You need a dictionary to spell your name.

You don‘t change your socks until the first pair rots off.

People ask your wife when her baby‘s due and she‘s not pregnant.

Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.

You‘ve ever invited friends over to show off what‘s left of the squirrel that you shot with your deer gun.

You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.

The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.

You Might Be A Redneck If #22
Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.

Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.

Your Gynecologist is Ernest.

Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.

The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.

Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.

You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren‘t.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You Might Be A Redneck If #90
When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.

Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.

Your favorite fruit is chicken.

You think those yellow traffic signs that say ‘Slow children at play‘ means the kids in the area are not too bright.

At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.

You think ‘Country & Western‘ covers both types of music.

You‘ve ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.

You can chew your own toenails.

You Might Be A Redneck If #93
You consider your annual bath one too many.

You wore a baseball cap to the opera.

If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald‘s playhouse.

If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.

You Might Be A Redneck If #79
You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.

You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.

Your pickup truck no longer has a back.

The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.

The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels ‘over yonder in them hills.‘

Your mustache is longer than your wife‘s hair.

Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.

Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.

You Might Be A Redneck If #14
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the ‘day my ship came in.‘

Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You‘ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave‘em in the shade.

You‘ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

You Might Be A Redneck If #29
You think ‘possum is the ‘other white meat‘.

Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.

You‘ve ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.

Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.

Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.

You picket your horses on your lawn so you won‘t have to mow it.

You‘re wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver‘s license pic.

You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.

You Might Be A Redneck If #39
Your biggest ambition in live is to ‘git that big ole coon. The one what hangs ‘round over yonder, back‘ah Bubba‘s barn…‘

Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

Your grandfather completely executes the ‘pull my finger‘ trick at the family reunion.

When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You have a house that‘s mobile and five cars that aren‘t.

You gene pool doesn‘t have a ‘deep end.‘

Your `huntin dawg‘ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You Might Be A Redneck If #8
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has ‘ammo‘ on her Christmas list.

You‘ve totaled every car you‘ve ever owned.

There are more than five McDonald‘s bags currently on the floorboard of your car.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

There is a wasp nest in your living room.

The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.