Its All About Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If #16
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You consider ‘Outdoor Life‘ deep reading.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder‘ more than once a month.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words ‘Trucking Institute‘.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You Might Be A Redneck If #54
You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house….not including 22 caliber.

You have guns in your house that you cannot find.

You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.

You think Wal-Mart is expensive.

You‘ve got more guns ‘On Display‘ than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.

You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.

Your horse wears shoes, but you don‘t.

It doesn‘t bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.

You Might Be A Redneck If #37
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the ‘who can spit tobacco the farthest contest‘.

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You‘ve never paid for a haircut.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just ‘misunderstood‘.

You‘ve ever made change in the offering plate.

You Might Be A Redneck If #75
Any part of your driveway has ever been unusable due to nesting fowl.

One or more doors to your house or trailer are periodically unusable due to nesting fowl.

The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.

You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.

You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.

You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.

You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.

You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

You Might Be A Redneck If #18
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

Your wife‘s job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You‘ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Bikers back down from your momma.

You were shooting pool when your kids were born.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You Might Be A Redneck If #67
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can‘t get married to yer sweetheart ‘cause there‘s a law against it.

You dated one of your parents‘ current spouses in high school.

Your grandfather completely executes the ‘pull my finger‘ trick at the family reunion.

You Might Be A Redneck If #10
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

You‘ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

You‘ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin‘ dog.

You Might Be A Redneck If #24
You‘ve ever drunk mouthwash just because you‘re too lazy to walk down to the liquor store.

Your homecoming basketball game was rained out.

Your baseball bat ‘ain‘t never been used on a ball, but it‘s sure hit plenty of other things.‘

You‘ve ever shot a mouse inside your home.

Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.

Your bumper sticker reads ‘If you‘re missing your cat, look in my treads. ‘

You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

You‘ve ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping she‘d take the hint.

You Might Be A Redneck If #86
You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal.

Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it.

Coons get into everyone else‘s trash but yours.

When you say, ‘Let‘s hit the hay,‘ you actually MEAN it.

You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald‘s Extra Value Meal.

Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.

You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.

You *have* a clawfoot bathtub.

You Might Be A Redneck If #61
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.

You‘ve ever lost a dog to a bush hog.

You‘ve ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.

You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.

On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part.

You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won‘t ask for them again.

You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart.