Its All About Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If #87
You‘ve ever been arrested for bootleggin‘.

You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.

Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.

Burger King won‘t let you do it your way, right away.

You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can‘t remember your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.

You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can‘t remember how old your children are.

Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.

You think a computer hacker carries an axe.

You Might Be A Redneck If #52
You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.

You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.

The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.

The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.

You think ‘dual airbags‘ refers to your wife and mother-in-law.

Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.

Your school dress code contains the line ‘Shoes Optional‘.

You‘ve ever worn hunter‘s orange to church.

You Might Be A Redneck If #72
You drive around a parking lot for fun.

Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents ‘Ma and Pa‘.

You have to duct tape your gloves on.

You‘ve ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.

Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.

You think that Marlboro is a cologne.

Your best coat is a black and red checkered.

You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down.

You Might Be A Redneck If #38
The fifth grade is referred to as ‘your senior year.‘

You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

You think a ‘cursor‘ is someone who swears a lot.

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

You Might Be A Redneck If #48
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You‘ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You‘ve ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You think mud rasslin‘ should be an Olympic sport.

You Might Be A Redneck If #66
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

Your `huntin dawg‘ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You‘ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

It‘s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You‘ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister‘s honor.

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job–primer red and primer gray.

You Might Be A Redneck If #91
You‘ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.

You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.

Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.

You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.

You‘ve ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn‘t spit it out.

Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.

You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.

Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.

You Might Be A Redneck If #83
You don‘t know what a redneck is.

You‘re still upset that they canceled ‘The Dukes of Hazzard‘.

You thought ER was ET‘s cousin.

You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.

You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.

You‘ve ever been stuck in your own driveway.

You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.

Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.

You Might Be A Redneck If #3
You have to take the entire day off to get your teeth cleaned.

You‘ve ever lost your wife in a poker game.

You bought a VCR to record Rasslin‘ while you‘re at work.

Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

You‘ve ever stolen a bulldozer.

All of your four-letter words are two syllables.

You cut your toenails in front of company.

You‘ve ever been too drunk to fish.

You Might Be A Redneck If #26
Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.

You place a classified asking less than $1.

You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.

Higher math means counting over 10.

The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

You have a lucky rabbit‘s foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace.

You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.

You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.