Its All About Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If #65
One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You‘ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is ‘out of your league‘ bowls on a different night.

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, ‘Hey, y‘all watch this.‘

You Might Be A Redneck If #53
You have barnyard animals living in your house.

Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, ‘Gun control is a steady hand.‘

Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.

You have ever shot a possum on your porch.

You don‘t use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can‘t see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors‘ dogs when they get into it.

You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.

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You Might Be A Redneck If #44
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are ‘Play Ball…‘

You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You bring your dog to work with you.

Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

You‘ve ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

You have every episode of ‘Hee Haw‘ on tape.

Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

You Might Be A Redneck If #19
Your school fight song was ‘Dueling Banjos‘.

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You‘ve ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You think cur is a breed of dog.

People hear your car long before they see it.

Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.

Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You Might Be A Redneck If #13
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

Your wife‘s hairdo attracts bees.

Your baby‘s first words are ‘Attention K-Mart shoppers.‘

The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You‘ve ever financed a tattoo.

You Might Be A Redneck If #74
The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.

You have got more bumper stickers than children.

Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.

You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.

Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.

Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.

You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the injured fowl had escaped, found the chicken in the mirror, and was currently fighting with said chicken.

There have ever been any gun parts, magazines, or ammunition stored on the window ledge of your kitchen – particularly if they have if they have laid there long enough for the sun to bleach the paper on the shotgun shells.

You Might Be A Redneck If #17
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother‘s tooth.

You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

Your secret family recipe is illegal.

Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

Your baby‘s favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the yard.

Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You Might Be A Redneck If #5
Your satellite dish payments delays buying back-to-school clothes forthe kids.

Your sister‘s child looks just like you.

You‘ve ever given rat traps as a gift.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the drive-in theater.

The Home Shopping Club operator recognizes your voice.

You‘ve ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you start eating Spam Lite.

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You Might Be A Redneck If #51
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You think you are an entrepreneur because of the ‘Dirt for Sale‘ sign in the front yard.

You‘re still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You don‘t think Jeff‘s Foxworthy‘s jokes are funny.

Every time you see a roadsign that says ‘DIP‘ you reach in your back pocket.

You‘ve ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table

You Might Be A Redneck If #76
Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.

Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.

You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.

You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don‘t use it because they won‘t come down your driveway to get it.

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife…. and wave to her.

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.