Its All About Jokes

Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If…
Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If…

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

You have a shuttle called ‘Billy Joe Bob‘

He refers to Klingons as ‘Critters‘

He refers to Photon Torpedoes as ‘Popguns‘

He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil

There is a stuffed possum in the Ready Room

He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

He says ‘Got your ears on, good buddy‘ instead of ‘open hailing frequencies‘

He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks stand

He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

He replicates items from the Graceland gift shop

The primary colour of the Starship is ‘bondo‘

He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

He says ‘Yee-Ha!‘ instead of ‘E‘gage‘

You Might Be A Redneck If #63
Your neighbor spits grass when he talks.

In the delivery room, your husband says,‘That‘s worse than skinning a deer!‘

You have sworn on your mother‘s grave while she is standing beside you.

You refer to your cousin as ‘my girlfriend‘.

You wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you.

You got your tater gun hangin‘ over your couch in your living room as a conversation piece.

You‘ve ever entered yourself in a ‘Howdy Doody Look-alike‘ Contest.

Your lips move while reading a stop sign.

You Might Be A Redneck If #2
Your idea of cleaning is throwing everything in the back yard.

Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.

Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.

Your underwear doubles as swimming trunks.

Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You‘ve ever hit a deer with your car… deliberately.

You view duct tape as a long-term investment.

You‘ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If #2
You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.

You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.

More than half the droids you own don‘t function.

The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.

You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.

You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

Your moonshine is made on a real moon.

You don‘t like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

You Might Be A Redneck If #77
You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.

Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into ‘America‘s Most Wanted‘.

You own more than two clappers.

You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.

You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.

Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife‘s car, but no blade.

You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.

You Might Be A Redneck If #56
You‘ve ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes law.

You‘ve ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.

You‘ve ever shoplifted Spam.

You don‘t understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy.

Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family won‘t go hungry.

You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.

Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.

You Might Be A Redneck If #82
You don‘t know what a redneck is.

You‘re still upset that they canceled ‘The Dukes of Hazzard‘.

You thought ER was ET‘s cousin.

You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.

You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.

You‘ve ever been stuck in your own driveway.

You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.

Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.

You Might Be A Redneck If #81
Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.

You argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one of the 7 wonders of the world.

Your kids can‘t go out for Hallween because there‘s nobody within walking distance to get candy from.

You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your ‘stuff‘ (cars, trucks building materials).

Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.

The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)

Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, ‘just in case‘.

You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.

You Might Be A Redneck If #20
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

Your birth announcement included the word ‘rug rat‘.

You‘ve ever hitchhiked naked.

You‘re turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

You‘ve ever shot a deer from inside your house.

The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are ‘Howdy!‘, ‘HEY!‘ or ‘How Y‘all Doin‘?‘ (If they respond with the same… they‘re a redneck too!)

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

You Might Be A Redneck If #57
You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say ‘Cool Whip‘ on the side.

You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.

Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.

You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.

None of your zippers have all their teeth either.

You are driving the car you were conceived in.

Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.

When you hear someone talking about the king you don‘t know whether they‘re talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.