Its All About Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If #42
You can‘t get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

You‘ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they‘ve got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You Might Be A Redneck If #34
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Your house doesn‘t have curtains, but your truck does.

You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to ‘Georgia on My Mind‘.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If #3
You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn‘t have to wait for a commercial.

You don‘t think the Ewoks are primitive.

You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If
Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel‘s.

You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.

At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

Your father has ever said to you, ‘Shoot, son come on over t‘ the dark side.. .it‘ll be a hoot.‘

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can‘t find it.

You Might Be A Redneck If #92
Your mama has more tattoos than you do.

You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.

Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.

The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y.

You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o.

Your dog‘s shots are up to date but your children‘s aren‘t.

You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.

Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.

You Might Be A Redneck If #85
You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria.

You‘ve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.

You name your car the General Lee.

You see a sign that says ‘bridge out‘ and you try to jump it.

You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.

Warp drive describes the condition of your car.

Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.

You go to the dentist for a ‘Tooth Cleaning‘.

You Might Be A Redneck If #64
You‘ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.‘

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife‘s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, ‘Gentlemen, start your engines.‘

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

You Might Be A Redneck If #84
You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot.

You can name all the characters from the ‘Dukes of Hazzard‘.

You recite lines from ‘The Dukes of Hazzard‘.

You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.

You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel.

You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels.

Your idea of a fancy dessert is ‘moon pie ala mode‘.

You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.

You Might Be A Redneck If #15
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You can‘t tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since ‘Smokey and the Bandit‘ was snubbed for best picture.

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

You Might Be A Redneck If #23
Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it‘s shown on The Learning Channel.

You have a choice of walkers, with or without a gun rack.

You share the Recovery Room with a sick cow.

The bill is figured either in dollars or chickens.

Hospital food consists of picking your own corn on the roof.

Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.

Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.

Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.