Its All About Jokes

. . . you think that “HANK“ of “Huntin with Hank“ is a real fine actor (BTW Hank is the dog). (from PLUMBINGuy)

. . . you had your own parking space in Jr High. (from PLUMBINGuy)

. . . you have a “church“ cap. (from PLUMBINGuy)

. . . you pull the legs off of flys then toss them into the air to see how long it takes them to “crash land“. (from PLUMBINGuy)

. . . your idea of the newspaper is a 14 year old copy of Dog Fancy. (from TheDude77691)

. . . your mom is your sister,aunt and your dads mother. (from Sephroth01@aol.com)

. . . your house has more miles on it than your car does. (from Ftkgold)

. . . your old toilet now serves as a flower pot in your front yard. (from Candida1022)

. . . you made your fishin pole outta popcicle sticks. (from TeresaandJoeS)

. . . you have to fill your toilet up with lake water to use the bathroom. (from TeresaandJoeS)

. . . you ask whats for dinner and your wife props her legs on the table and says “crabs“. (from TeresaandJoeS)

. . . your computer don‘t work cuz the cat ate the mouse.

. . . you‘re having sex with your wife and she tells you, “That tickles.“ (from O4josh)

. . . you think a lava lamp is erotic. (from O4josh)

. . . your bathroom is 50 feet away from your house. (from GoPed818)

. . . your husband is going out huntin and puts on urin and it turns you on. (from Tab358)

. . . you think a date is going out mooning people. (from Tab358)

. . . you took your sister/brother to the prom. (from Tab358)

. . . you think dressing up is putting on all your camo. (from Tab358)

. . . you keep all your guns in a fire-proof locked safe and everything else out in the open. (from Am9786)

. . . you have a bumper sticker that says, “Kiss the crack below my back.“ (from Jordan452313)

. . . your idea of camping in the woods is inviting the family over and pitching a couple of tents in the back yard. (from DARKRIS322)

. . . you have to watch for cow patties when you play golf. (from DARKRIS322)

. . . your lawn tractor has a better paint job than your car. (from Jcamaro83)

. . . your lawn mower is a goat. (from Ricky Barnaby)

. . . you can eat an ear of corn and spell “Home Sweet Home“ on it. (from Ricky Barnaby)

. . . you base the purchase of a refridgerator on how many cases of beer it holds. (from MadameJaye)

. . . your children look more like your brothers-in-law than your husband you are worried that he might notice. (from MadameJaye)

. . . you make your dogs sleep on top of the house in the rain because you can‘t afford to patch the roof. (from MadameJaye)

. . . you go to a drive through the person at the window asks you to shut off your engine because it‘s too loud. (from MadameJaye)

. . . you go to a drive through you have to open your door because your window hasn‘t rolled down in 5 years. (from MadameJaye)

. . . you get turned on when your wife/girlfriend shoots an armidillo. (from Relena195)

. . . your daughter thinks she a reincarnation of Xena because she has nightmares about her. (from Lil2te)

. . . you tell everyone your wife is the reincarnation of Ares, the god of war. (from Lil2te)

. . . you buy your wife camouflage lingerie. (from BlueEyesc4me)

. . . you borrow a sleeveless T-shirt from your Mom. (from BlueEyesc4me)

. . . your living room furniture doubles as your camping gear. (from BlueEyesc4me)

. . . you have to steal your neighbor‘s paper to see what the date is or you are out of toilet paper. (from BlueEyesc4me)

. . . you can grunt like a deer and you are proud of it. (from BlueEyesc4me)

. . . you tell your wife to squeal like a pig to start foreplay. (from BlueEyesc4me)

. . . when you think of the planet Saturn you think of your mother-in-law at the same time. (from Marijane42085674)

. . . your way of seeing if you need to bathe is by sticking your hand between your butt cheeks and smelling it. (from ReaperAngel15)

. . . you rake your carpet because the sweeper motor is being used for your truck. (from ReaperAngel15)

. . . you have a working television on top of a broken one.

. . . the gazebo in your yard is bigger than your trailer. (from Spike)

. . . you have a pallet in your yard with tires stacked on it. (from Spike)

. . . your garage is so full you can‘t park your car in it. (from Spike)

. . . you spent more money on a souvenier Clint Black shirt, than on your whole wardrobe. (from Spike)

. . . you have two pairs of jeans, and six pairs of boots. (from Spike)

. . . your front yard has any broken appliances in it. (from Spike)

. . . you have gotten a warning to remove vehicles from your own back yard. (from Spike)

. . . you ever say “oh yeah I can fix it“. (from Spike)

. . . your favorite night of the week is the night before trash day. (from Spike)

. . . your truck has any bondo on it. (from Spike)

. . . your car has more than three bumper stickers with the word jesus on them. (from Spike)

. . . there is bungee cord holding your bumper on to your car. (from Spike)

. . . no matter how you clean your hands, the dirt under your nails won‘t come off. (from Spike)

. . . you think that duct tape works better than spot welding. (from Spike)

. . . you go to strip joints for family reunions. (from Spike)

. . . you re-use dental floss to save money. (from Spike)

. . . you can‘t work on Thursday night or you‘ll miss smack-down. (from Spike)

. . . you won‘t get your dog “fixed“ because you never no when someone might want him to stud. (from Spike)

. . . Friday night is “sneak into the drive-in night“. (from Spike)

. . . you have an air-conditioner on your front porch. (from Spike)

. . . you slam your truck‘s door and your 12 gauge makes a new sun roof. (from TakatchiGrado)

. . . you have stuffed heads from the following: deer, a moose, a mallard, a Siamese cat, a largemouth bass, and your mother-in-law. (from TakatchiGrado)

. . . that white tailed deer is being paid 10 bucks an hour to stand on a ladder behind your wall and stick his head in. (from TakatchiGrado)

. . . your dad pees on a rabbit‘s head while peeing off the back porch. (from COORSGUZZLER)

. . . your dogs kill more animals than you do all hunting season. (from COORSGUZZLER)

. . . you and your son compete for the only single gal in town with all her teeth. (from WVwishingstar15)

. . . you watch Jerry Springer to see if any of your relatives are on the show today. (from WVwishingstar15)

. . . your table cloth is a bed sheet. (from Gordon24Knight)

. . . your whole wardrobe is work boots, camoflage pants, a plaid flannel shirt, and a John Deere hat. (from Gordon24Knight)

. . . the landscaping in your front yard is broken down cars. (from Gordon24Knight)

. . . you drive your tractor along the high way. (from Gordon24Knight)

. . . your family reuinions consist of ex-wives. (from Gordon24Knight)

. . . you need a truck to move your barbecue. (from Yolanda)

. . . your toenails stick out the end of your tennis shoes. (from KrazeyRay)

. . . you let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. (from Larubia3207)

. . . you have 10 cars in your front yard and only once of them isn‘t on blocks and the engine works. (from Larubia3207)

. . . you take a six-pack cooler to church. (from Larubia3207)

. . . you bum a pinch of chew from your girlfriend. (from Larubia3207)

. . . you have a sign hanging in your living room that says “We interrupt this marriage to bring you deer season“ (from Larubia3207)

. . . you look both ways before crossing a one way street. (from Flyers3102)

. . . you drive through your car port to park your blue Pinto in the backyard. (from Flyers3102)

. . . your birthday cake consisted of nothing but Twinkies. (from Joker0159)

. . . you shave your beard and find a french fry. (from GeneralLee01311)

. . . you have ever asked your dad for the keys to his Mack. (from Dbdtruckin)

. . . you can entertain yourself for more then an hour with a fly swatter. (from Zeakdude)

. . . your truck is stolen and sold by your mother to buy beer and Copenhagen. (from Kirk and Julie Snyder)

. . . your CB antenna on your truck doubles as your cane pole. (from Brandonharrell)

. . . you tip the waiter with change. (from Chew45665779182)

. . . your honeymoon was featured on true stories of the highway patrol. (from SteelCowboy47)

. . . you think 401k is your mother-in-law‘s bra size. (from SteelCowboy47)

. . . instead of buying your girlfriend candy and flowers, you spray paint her name on an overpass. (from SteelCowboy47)

. . . you think 2 Pac Shakur is a Jewish holiday. (from BeauRulz97)

. . . your local yellow pages has only 3 sections: places to get cigarettes, place to get liquor, and places to get bait. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)

. . . the library in your city ran out of the book “The ABC‘s of Belching“. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)

. . . the seats in your car are also your living room furniture. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)

. . . you had to buy an 18-Wheeler for family vacations. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)

. . . you have a Rebel flag in your front yard! (from junior5241)

. . . you have your t.v on top of empty beer cans and call it recycling. (from SailorSpringStar)

. . . your dishwasher consists of kids that you baby-sit. (from SailorSpringStar)

. . . you think that the apple com-pu-ter is the latest in new fangled tech-o-nol-o-gee. (from SailorSpringStar)

. . . the newspaper (the business) is the community toilet paper. (from SailorSpringStar)

. . . the town policeman stops by so much, you know his 5th grade GPA. (from SailorSpringStar)

. . . your airplane cost you less than 15 hundred bucks and uses two stroke oil. (from Lawrence Benton)

. . . you say “I tell you wut!“ more than 3 times a day. (from Kelly)

. . . your daddy‘s last words were “Hey ya‘ll look what I can do!“ (from Kelly)

. . . your lawn furniture was in your house last summer. (from Kelly)

. . . your car uses more oil than gas. (from Shelly1179)

. . . you have ever used a turkey baster bulb to get something out of your ear. (from Kim Scurti)

. . . your dog wants you to be the girl tonght. (from TDOGG333)

. . . you use the car that is broken down in the driveway as a tool shed. (from Scrpah5454)

. . . fine dining is the Waffle House. (from Ferrari92687)

. . . you‘ve ever been in a fist fight with your best friend because he said his John Deere will out pull your Farmall. (from Browning1225)

. . . your dog has a litter of puppies on your living room floor and no one notices. (from Eboom386)

. . . you fall in love with a girl and write “I Love You“ using duck tape. (from BillyBobBaitShop)

. . . you think “harass“ are two words. (from SwingMs)

. . . your race car looks and runs better than your own car. (from Beisballer9)

. . . you get drunk while mowing the grass. (from Donnie)

. . . you have a beer cooler on your riding lawn mower. (from Donnie)

. . . you have ever opened a beer bottle with your truck door. (from Donnie)

. . . hot dogs and pork-n-beans are your favorite Sunday night dinner. (from DeposRus)

. . . your hair is five times as long in the back as it is on top. (from DeposRus)

. . . you put mud grips on your new Cadillac. (from Patsyweeksj)

. . . your Mama yells, “Close the screen door boy, you‘re letting all the bugs out!“ (from RSki460957)

. . . you have no idea who the President is but you can name five NASCAR drivers in a single belch. (from Roni1010)

. . . you actually know what “puked a motor“ means. (from Roni1010)

. . . you‘ve ever been in a fist fight involving the phrase “Dale Earnhardt is the Intimidator“. (from Roni1010)

. . . you think 7-11 is a grocery store. (from Shaun McElhinney)

. . . your kids fall down in the house and get grass stains. (from Shaun McElhinney)

. . . you have to slide out of the passenger side of your truck because the driver‘s side door is jammed. (from Shaun McElhinney)

. . . if the dashboard of your work vehicle is covered with empty cigarette cartons and Mountain Dew bottles (from Shaun McElhinney)

. . . your Daddy picks you up from school in a Swamp Buggy. (from QSLUQRU)

. . . you refer to Walmart as going to the mall. (from Shaun McElhinney)

. . . your sister/brother is also your cousin. (from Txdixiechick01)

. . . your wife wears a dress on Sunday and one of you‘re flannel shirts over it. (from Rebelwolff1)

. . . you go into an auto parts store and tell them you need a part for your Chevy and when they ask you make and model you answer, “They‘re all the same.“ (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . you go coon hunting with a spot light instead of a dog. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . you hunt deer from a moving vehicle. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . your wife‘s deer head hanging on the wall is bigger than yours. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . you take your wife fishing and she out fishes you and all your buddies. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . your wife can out drink you or any of your friends and is willing to prove it. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . your wife can belch louder than you can. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . you consider yourself the blacksheep of the family because you are the only one not living in a trailer house. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . your mama spends more money fixing up her old trailer house than it cost to build a new brick home. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . your mama has more gadgets and accessories on her pickup truck than you do. (from THREEDDONZI)

. . . you got more antenas on your truck than the local TV station. (from Honeybee24595981)

. . . you call a chicken a yard bird. (from Oamanecer0)

. . . you get a ticket cause you got a confederate flag as a front license plate. (from Daisy May)

. . . the police are lookin for you in a brown truck so you wiped off the mud a bit so they wouldn‘t recognize you. (from Daisy May)

. . . your wardrobe consists of nothing but cammo and flannel. (from REDNECKTNKER)

. . . you see your grandmother naked and it turns you on. (from Honeybee24595981)

. . . you have a transmission in your bathtub. (from Honeybee24595981)

. . . you‘re homeschooled and you date someone in your class. (from JOYFULJENNY)

. . . your Mama was ever asked to leave a Bingo game because of her language. (from FOGHATIRONHEAD)

. . . you‘ve ever put a tarp in the bed of your truck to use it as a swimming pool. (from Donna R.)

. . . you finally mow your front lawn and you find the pickup truck that you thought was stolen. (from annonymous)

. . . you know exactly how many cans of spray paint it takes to paint a 1976 full size Chevy truck. (from ChickenFryes)

. . . the bigest city you‘ve ever been to is Wal-Mart. (from Aannetta)

. . . you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say cool whip on the side. (from Aannetta)

. . . you think a tv dinner consists of a RC Cola and a moonpie. (from Honeybee24595981)

. . . you join the army for the free uniform. (from Brad)

. . . you wash your truck in a mud puddle. (from Countryboyz4×4)

. . . you spend more time with you truck than your family. (from Countryboyz4×4)

. . . your kids eat on the floor while your dogs eat at the table. (from Countryboyz4×4)

. . . your 80 year old grandma can shoot better than you. (from Countryboyz4×4)

. . . you have ever peed in the sink cuz your mom was hogging up the outhouse. (from Tweetheart86chic)

. . . your beer can pyramid is taller than your trailer. (from Celotheswhite)

. . . you have to mow the hoods of your cars. (from Celotheswhite)

. . . you put a sign up that says “Billy Bob & Sally wedding —>“ on a carboard sign in spray paint nailed to a tree. (from Celotheswhite)

. . . you have ever surrendered to the police in exchange for ciggaretes. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . you think “manual labor“ is a Spanish ambassadar. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . you have ever had to gift-wrap a tire. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . your dog‘s collar costs more than the clothes you are wearing. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . your kid learns to shoot a gun before he learns his alphabet. (from Myerslaue)

. . . you divorced your 1st. cousin, married your 2nd. cousin and are cheating with your 3rd. cousin. (from Armando T.)

. . . you found a toy boat in your toilet when you were taking a bath and started playing with it. (from Tweetheart86chic)

. . . you dust furniture with underwear. (from Pinehillfarmky)

. . . you sat on your roof with a loaded gun waiting for twelve midnight to roll around on Y2K. (from NBC Tutolo)

. . . your whole yard has chickens and cows in it. (from Girlsloveme67863)

. . . you not only pass the beans at the supper table but your teeth so Billy Bob can chew them also. (from Keith S. Penna)

. . . you give Tic-Tacs out at Christmas instead of candy canes. (from I185dude1)

. . . you have the same meal for a week straight. (from S23Goodrich)

. . . you‘ve got a tab at the ABC Liquor Store. (from S23Goodrich)

. . . your father marries someone with the same last name as yours. (from S23Goodrich)

. . . you‘ve ever driven a tractor to a family reunion. (from S23Goodrich)

. . . you buy something you already have. (from Jgtex86)

. . . you‘re trying to start a 16 hp motor and your shed catches on fire. (from REGGIE101372)

. . . you think garabage pickin‘ is a hobbie. (from REGGIE101372)

. . . your grandmother has to be taken out of bingo because of her language. (from Gwing12345)

. . . your wedding cake was made by Sara Lee. (from Koston03)

. . . the figures on your wedding cake wore overalls. (from Koston03)

. . . you have to change gears in your pickup by opening the hood and moving the gear arm, then jump back in before the truck drives off without you. (from Patrick A. Hall)

. . . your screen name is JohnDeere. (from Johndeere77)

. . . you think the unibomber was a wrestler. (from MMichaelOne)

. . . you think the quarterhorse is the ride outside of Wal-Mart. (from MMichaelOne)

. . . you‘ve ever gotten a “lap“ dance from your sister! (from GBandS4ever)

. . . the fairground‘s main attraction is to see who can throw cow pie the farthest! (from CallmeWinsie)

. . . you take your dog on more vacations than your wife! (from CallmeWinsie)

. . . the bouqet at your wedding was stolen from a cemetary. (from Adria116)

. . . your only time spent sober is the time spent getting another 6 pack. (from Bordem420)

. . . your house doesn‘t have curtains but your truck does. (from Totizzi4u)

. . . you decorate the lawn mower with red Christmas lights at Halloween. (from Hed666)

. . . you think Iraq is a high performance Camaro. (from CRISSY56)

. . . your pocket knife has ever been referred too as Exhibit A. (from KnightofNi62)

. . . your Sunday vest is green and consists of three different fishin‘ lures. (from KnightofNi62)

. . . you think that “loaden up the dishwasher“ means getting your wife drunk. (from KnightofNi62)

. . . your pick-up is at least 3 colors. (from Caputsevilno)

. . . all of the light switches in your house are wired to turn on the light on the front porch. (from Caputsevilno)

. . . you think coming from a broken home means your trailer has a flat. (from Caputsevilno)

. . . both your house and car are on blocks. (from DESERTTRANSPLANT)

. . . you have a cow tied to the front bumper of your broken down Chevy truck as a pet. (from Patrick A. Hall)

. . . you use coffee filters when you run out of toilet tissue. (from SYLB261)

. . . you think W.W.J.D stands for, “What would Junior do?“ (from Skylane227)

. . . any of your children were concieved under a stop light. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . you name your children after the cars they were concieved in. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . your wife‘s bridal reception was at Wal-Mart. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . you call fast food hitting a deer at 60mph. (from Starpuppy316)

. . . you floss with barb wire. (from slemp)

. . . your tire swing has a truck stilll attached to it. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . on cold nights, your dog sleeps on the bed and your wife dosn‘t. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . you are naked on laundry day. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . the words Nascar, tire, dog or shotgun appeared in your wedding vows. (from Danspumpkins)

. . . you pull one of your dogs loose teeth and keep it to have something to remember him by. (from GenieMathers)

. . . your idea of a family cook-out is the whole family gathering around the Chevy with the hood up. (from Herferd)

. . . your Computer has Winders 95 instead of Windows. (from dfowler779)

. . . your moms maiden name is Bubba. (from dfowler779)

. . . your sister has more hair on her legs than you do. (from dfowler779)

. . . your dog can open a beer can for you. (from dfowler779)

. . . your favorite fishing hole has more car parts in it than a junk yard. (from dfowler779)

. . . you think your sister is sexier than your wife. (from dfowler779)

. . . you and your dad share the same mistress. (from dfowler779)

. . . you ever told your Mom that she looks sexy in mini skirts. (from dfowler779)

. . . your wife shaves her beard more than you shave yours. (from dfowler779)

. . . you thought Texas A&M is a root beer made in Texas. (from dfowler779)

. . . you ever had a riffle in your back at a wedding. (from dfowler779)

. . . you have a Confederate flag for bed sheets. (from dfowler779)

. . . you name your dogs after your favorite “Playboy“ centerfold. (from dfowler779)

. . . you grandmother spits farther than you. (from dfowler779)

. . . you think the WWF is a romantic sport. (from dfowler779)

. . . your porn collection is also called the family videos. (from dfowler779)

. . . you have at least five hunting dogs in your bed at night. (from dfowler779)

. . . you put a corn cobb on a screwdriver and call it a back-scratcher (from KTwinkles)

. . . you have a gun rack on the back of your bicycle. (from JMSpyke13)

. . . you get kicked out of the KKK for being a bigot. (from Korn2122)

. . . you got your pickup truck from a lake. (from Tekman228)

. . . you wore your Burger King hat to your Prom. (from Billybob1388)

. . . if you think hocking loogies onto oncoming vehicles should be an Olympic sport. (from HaulMail37311)

. . . you get your 4-wheel drive stuck. (from HaulMail37311)

. . . your mechanic looks under the front of your car or truck and asks if you work for the Roadkill Cafe. (from HaulMail37311)

. . . you have a rebel flag displayed on your truck. (from HaulMail37311)

. . . your son Bubba J.r. uses his school locker as a gun cabinet. (from GoWest78)

. . . your Mama has failed the 3rd. grade five times. (from Chillichikk)

. . . you were born and raised in a pickup truck. (from Tekman228)

There once was a redneck who had two horses. Now this redneck couldn?t tell his two horses apart so he decided to ask his neighbor to help him out.

He said to his neighbor, “I have two horses that I can?t tell apart, can you help me?“

“Sure,“ said his neighbor, “Maybe you should nick one of their ears, then you could tell them apart.“

So, the redneck went home and did that. The next day the redneck went to check up on his horses but saw that he could not tell them apart for the other horse had nicked it?s ear also.

So, he went back over to his neighbor?s. “My other horse has a nicked ear now too. Do you have any other ideas how to tell them apart? They are both girls.“

“Hmmmm.“ thought his neighbor, “Cut one?s tail shorter than the other!“

So, the redneck went home and did that. The next day, though, both horses had the same length of tail! So, the redneck, tired of walking to his neighbor?s house decided to call instead.

“I see,“ said the neighbor after the redneck told him about how both of the tails were the same, “Try measuring them, maybe one is taller than the other.“

So the redneck did that then rushed back into his house, phoned his neighbor and said to him “You were right!! The black horse is bigger than the white one.“

A redneck cowboy rides into a town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and the dog under the shade of a tree and the redneck cowboy goes into the bar for a cold beer.

About 20 minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy tells him that its his.

The policeman says, “Your dog is in heat“.

The redneck cowboy answers, “No way the dogs in heat. He‘s cool, cause he‘s tied under the shade of the tree“.

The policeman says, “No, you don‘t understand, your dog needs to be bred“.

The redneck cowboy shakes his head and says, “No way the dog needs bread, he‘s not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning“.

The policeman finally gets mad and says, “Look, your dog wants to have sex“.

The redneck cowboy looks at him and says “Go ahead, I always wanted a police dog.

One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack. When he asked, the man said, ??I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm… Chicken sure sounds good tonight.??

The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.

??Well Ill tell you,?? replied the man, ??If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack Ill give them both to you.??