Its All About Jokes

Q: Why did Bill Clinton quit playing the saxaphone?

A: Because he went to the hormonica!

When the AirForce 1 prepares to land, the Captain speaks over the intercom:

‘The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position.‘

Some possible titles for the new Bill Clinton movie:

Dial M for Monica Saving Clinton‘s Privates All the President‘s Women The Lying King Free Willy Terms of Impeachment Driving Miss Monica Independent Counsel Day The Six Commandments The Full Monica President on a Hot Tin Roof Red Faced in October Honey, I Shrunk the Presidency Bedtime for Bubba The Me Lie Massacre!

Hillary Clinton is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and can‘t believe this has happened.

She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming: ‘How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!!

How could you???!!!
I can‘t believe this has happened!
I just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!!
How could you???
Well, what have you got to say???‘

There is nothing but silence on the phone.

She screams again: ‘CAN YOU HEAR ME???!!!!

She finally hears Bill‘s very, very quiet voice.
In a barely audible whisper he says, ‘Who is this?‘

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table… then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The father‘s plan was: ‘If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I‘m afraid our son will be a drunkard.‘

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left.

Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality …then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: ‘Darn, it‘s even worse than I could ever have imagined.. ‘ ‘Our son is going to be a politician!‘

President Ronald Regan told this joke about Fidel Castro:

Castro was addressing a large audience in Cuba, and he began, ‘They accuse me of intervening in Angola…‘ and a man going through the audience called out, ‘Peanuts! Popcorn!‘

Castro went on: ‘They say I’m intervening in Mozambique…‘ and the same loud voice shouted, ‘Peanuts! Popcorn!

Castro continued: ‘They say I’m intervening in Nicaragua…‘ and the voice yelled again, ‘Peanuts! Popcorn!‘

By this time Castro was boiling mad and he sputtered, ‘Bring that man who is shouting ‘Peanuts! Popcorn!‘ to me, and I’ll kick him all the way to Miami.‘

And everybody in the audience started shouting, ‘Peanuts! Popcorn!‘

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington‘s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked -

‘George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?‘
‘Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,‘ advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.
‘Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?‘ Clinton asked.
‘Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,‘ advised Tom.

Clinton didn‘t sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows.
It was Abraham Lincoln‘s ghost.

‘Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?‘ Clinton asked.

And Abe replied…‘Go to the theater!‘

So, I recently took a tour of the White House, and on the tour our
guide pointed out the new name to the ‘Oval Office‘, seems someone
liked the name the ‘Oral Office‘ better!

What is the newest game at the white house?

Swallowing the leader!

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

Broiled Missionary: $25.00
Fried Explorer: $35.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , ‘Why such a price difference for the politician?‘

The cook replied ‘Have you ever tried to clean one of them?‘