Its All About Jokes

Enough is Enough
One night recently, my phone rang several times throughout the evening. Each time, a woman‘s voice asked for Ben. Each time I
politely explained that I lived alone, my name wasn‘t Ben, and she had a wrong number. The fifth time she called, I had had enough.

‘Hello?‘ I said.

‘Can I speak to Ben, please?‘

I replied, ‘I‘m sorry, he‘s not in right now. Can I take a message?‘

‘Do you know what time he‘ll be back?‘ she responded.

‘I think he said he‘d be home around 10:00.‘

Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

‘Is this Steve?‘

‘Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?‘

‘Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,‘ she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, ‘Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago and said that he would be back at 10:00.‘

A shocked voice now: ‘Who‘s Karen?!‘

‘The girl he went out with.‘

‘I know that! I mean… who is she?‘

‘I don‘t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?‘

‘Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.‘

She was sounding pretty irate at this point. ‘I sure will. Is this Jennifer?‘

She exploded, ‘Who‘s Jennifer?‘ Apparently she wasn‘t.

‘Well… he‘s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake.‘

‘Ben‘s the one that‘s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she‘s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.‘

I smiled and said, ‘Okay, I will… but Becky isn‘t going to like this…‘

Bathtubs & Telephones
The bathtub was invented in 1850.

The telephone was invented in 1875.

This might not seem like much but, if you had lived back then, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without being bothered by the phone

Anger and Exasperation
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, ‘Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?‘

The father replied, ‘It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.‘

With that the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, ‘Hello, is Melvin there?‘

The man answered, ‘There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don‘t you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?‘

‘See,‘ said the father to his daughter. ‘That man was not a bit happy
with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch….‘

The father dialled the number again. ‘Hello, is Melvin there?‘ asked the father.

‘Now look here!‘ came the heated reply. ‘You just called this number and
I told you that there is no Melvin here! You‘ve got a lot of nerve calling again!‘ The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, ‘You see, that was anger. Now
I‘ll show you what exasperation means.‘

He dialed the same number and when a violent voice roared ‘Hello!‘ in answer, the father calmly said, ‘Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?‘

Paid in Full
A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number.

‘I‘ve had mine for twenty years,‘ she pleaded. ‘Couldn‘t you change yours?‘

The company refused, so she said, ‘Fine. From now on, I‘m going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full.‘

The company got a new number the next day.

Spelling Information
‘Hello, Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.‘

‘Would you spell that, please?‘

‘Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.‘

‘Just a minute, sir. I‘ll connect you with my supervisor.‘

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What‘s the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You‘ll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don‘t! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You‘ll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don‘t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.

Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn‘t work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That‘s your problem there. That version of DOS didn‘t come with NOSMOKE.com Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn‘t compatible with NOSMOKE.com

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17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer‘?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.“

Customer “Ok.“

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?“

Customer: “No.“

Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?“

Customer “No.“

Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?“

Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click‘ and I wrote ‘click‘.“

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2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.“

Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?“

Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?“

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3).Customer:: “I‘m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.“

Tech Support:: “Tell me what you‘ve done.“

Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP‘.“

Tech Support:: “Ma‘am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.“

Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk‘.“

Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.“

Customer:: “What?“

Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?“

Customer: “No…“

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4).Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?“

Tech Support:: ?!%#$

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5).Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK‘ button displayed?“

Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?“

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6) Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?“

Customer:: “A white one.“

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7). Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:‘ at the prompt.“

Customer:: “How do you spell that?“

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8). Tech Support: “What‘s on your screen right now?“

Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.“

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9). Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?“

Customer: “Pentium.“

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10). Customer: “My computer‘s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.“

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11).Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.“

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12).Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?“

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13). Customer: “You‘ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won‘t boot properly.“

Tech Support: “What does it say?“

Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.“

Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?“

Customer: “No, but there‘s a sticker saying there‘s an Intel inside.“

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14). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there‘s a problem. We‘re open 24 hours.“

Customer: “Is that Eastern time?“

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15). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?“

Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready‘.“

Tech Support:: “Well?“

Customer: “How do I know when it‘s ready?“

Mike went to office and called to his house over phone. Servant had taken the receiver.

Mike: Who is speaking?

Servant : Servant Sir.

Mike: Where is the Madam?

Mike: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.

Mike: What? I am her husband came to office today.

Servant: What can I do now sir?

Mike: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line. After some time … there come 2 shooting sounds … after that …

Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?

Mike: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool

Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir

Mike: What…? No swimming pool?

Servant: Yes Sir

Mike: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!