Its All About Jokes

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

The man said, “Yeah, I‘ve come to activate your phone lines.“

A guy (we‘ll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman‘s home.

As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette.

Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing.

He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there.

Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.

When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.

‘Aaron, The carpet looks wonderful!‘ she exclaimed. ‘Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, by the way, have you seen my cellphone?‘

One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. There, he deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller

demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.

The best call came from Bubba, who repeatedly complained that he keeps

being paged by ‘Lucille.‘

He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.

‘She don‘t never leave no number, so I can‘t call her back,‘ he said.

After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn‘t leave a number.

‘She leaves her name,‘ was the reply.

After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.

‘How does she spell her name?‘ the service rep asked.

‘L-O-W C-E-L-L‘

Another technical problem solved.

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

‘Hello?‘

‘Honey, It‘s me.‘

‘Sugar!‘

‘Are you at the club?‘

‘Yes.‘

‘Great! I‘m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?‘

‘What‘s the price?‘

‘Only $1,500.‘

‘Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.‘

‘Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…‘

‘What price did he quote you?‘

‘Only $60,000!‘

‘Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.‘

‘Great! Before we hang up, something else…‘

‘What?‘

‘It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It‘s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…‘

‘How much are they asking?‘

‘Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…‘

‘Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?‘

‘Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I‘ll see you later!! I love you!!!‘

‘Bye.‘

The man hangs up, closes the phone‘s flap and asks aloud, ‘Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?‘

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn‘t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let‘s make sure he‘s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy‘s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted onehusband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phonebills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, weencourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that itarrived and have a conversation about the contents!

What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck.

What do ghosts use to phone home? A terror-phone.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I‘m a telephone. Doctor: Why‘s that? I keep getting calls in the night.

At three o‘clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. ‘I‘m sorry if I woke you,‘ said a voice at the other end of the line. ‘That‘s all right,‘ said the vet, ‘I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway.‘