Its All About Jokes

I was very lonely when I was a child
I was very lonely when I was a child. I only had two imaginary friends… And they would only play with each other.

Nostalgia
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense and the past perfect.

Every Scotsman‘s Fantasy
Every Scotsman‘s fantasy is to have two women….one cleaning, the other dusting…

If man evolved…
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Little Axioms Of Life
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don‘t have film.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Seen it all, done it all, can‘t remember most of it.

She‘s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

I offered to pay my lawyer what he’s worth …
I offered to pay my lawyer for what he’s worth but he won‘t work for nothing!