Its All About Jokes

More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I‘m stuffed!

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.

My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Things You‘d Love To Say (But Don‘t Dare)
I can see your point, but I still think you‘re full of crap.

I don‘t know what your problem is, but I‘ll bet it‘s hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you‘ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I‘m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I‘ll try being nicer if you‘ll try being smarter.

I‘m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don‘t work here. I‘m a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can‘t understand a word you‘re saying.

Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don‘t give a darn.

Visualizing? I‘m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent.

Thank you. We‘re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn‘t mean you‘re an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

Chinese mothers
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?