Its All About Jokes

This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on. The bartender goes, ‘Where’d you get the great shirt mate?’ The man replies, ‘David Jones.’ This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and the bartender goes ‘Where’d you get the great pants mate?’ The man replies, ‘ David Jones.’ This 3rd guy walks into the bar with really great shoes and sock on. The bartender goes, ‘Where’d you get the great shoes and socks mate?’ The man replies, ‘David Jones.’ Then this 4th guy runs in naked and the bartender goes, ‘Look Who the hell are you mate?’ And the naked guy says, ‘I’m David Jones!’

The male teacher in a girls‘ school asked the science class: “Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?“

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, “Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal.“

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary‘s reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lilly put up her hand. “Yes, Lilly?“ asked the teacher.

“Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye.“

“Very good. Thanks, Lilly,“ said the male teacher.

He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: “Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:

First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.

Second, you have a DIRTY mind.

And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed.(bcoz no other part expand to 10 times of its usual size)“

Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see youB What‘s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Let‘s hear it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That‘s what I want to know.

Condi: That‘s what I‘m telling you.

George: That‘s what I‘m asking youB Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow‘s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: HuB

George: The Chinese?

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya?asking me for?

Condi: I‘m telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well,I‘m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That‘s the man‘s name.

George: That‘s whose name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That‘s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. I bet he knows.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don‘t want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. and then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: Call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!

Condi: Kofi?

George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice here.

George: Rice? Good idea. and a couple of egg rolls, too.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That‘s the ugliest baby that I‘ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I‘ll hold your monkey for you.”

1 Admi Bhgwan
Se: Bhgwan G ap Kab Khush hote han?

Bhgwan: Jab Indian film me Koi vilan larki ko pakar ha Or larki hhti hai,

Plz Mujhe

Bhagwan K liay Chorh Do!

POULTRY FARM K OWNER NE TAMAAM MURGHION SE KAHA

AGAR TUM SUB NE RAAT KO 2, 2 ANDAY NA DIYAY TO MAI DAANA NAHIN DOONGA

AGLI SUBAH US NE DEKHA SAB NE 2, 2 ANDE DIYAAY MAGAR 1 MURGHI SE USAY 1 ANDA MILA

OWNER: TUM NE 1 ANDA Q DIA??

USAy JAWAB MILA: JANAB YEH BHI AAP K DARR KI WAJAH SE DIA HAI

WESE MAIN TO MURGHA HOON

A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got the ticket, it said nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, ‘Mama, they made a song in America just for me.‘ ‘How does it go, mijo?‘ ‘It goes Jose can you see!

I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Bob: Hey, Bill did you hear about the artists who held a competition?

Bill: No? How did it turn out?

Bob: It was a draw.