Its All About Jokes

When Will They Meet?
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve.

A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the centre line. They were instructed to advance in stages towards the centre line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the centre line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.

i.e.: If the starting distance from the wall to centre line was D, the progressive series of distances at t = 0, 10 seconds, 20 seconds…10n seconds to the centre line is (D, D/2, D/4, D/8, …..D/2n)

The question is, when will they meet at the middle?

The mathematician said that they would never meet.

The physicist said they would meet when time equals infinity.

The engineer said that in one minute they would be close enough for all practical purposes.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer …
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need.

The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.

The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures.

And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.

Statistician
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant

I do not think — therefore I am not
I do not think — therefore I am not.

Here is the illustration of this principle:

One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, ‘Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?‘.

Descartes replied, ‘I think not.‘, and promptly vanished.

A History of Teaching Math
1. Teaching Math in the 1950s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math in the 1960s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math in the 1970s: A logger exchanges a set ‘L‘ of lumber for a set ‘M‘ of money. The cardinality of set ‘M‘ is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make100 dots representing the elements of the set ‘M‘. The set ‘C‘, the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set ‘M‘. Represent the set ‘C‘ as a subset of set ‘M‘ and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set ‘P‘ of profits?

4. Teaching Math in the 1980s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math in the 1990s: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

6. Teaching Math in the 2000s: your call.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.

‘Aha,‘ says the engineer, ‘I see that Scottish sheep are black.‘

‘Hmm,‘ says the physicist, ‘You mean that some Scottish sheep are black.‘

‘No,‘ says the mathematician, ‘All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!‘

Philosophy & Mathematics
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.

Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Topologist
A topologist is a person who doesn‘t know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A physicist and a mathematician
A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire.

Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

Approximation
An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn‘t care.