Math Jokes Collection
The number twelve goes to a bar
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
‘Sorry I can‘t serve you,‘ states the barman.
‘Why not?!‘ asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
‘You‘re under 18,‘ replies the barman.
A mathematician, a physicist & an engineer
A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, ‘I don‘t understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run…‘
The physicist interrupted him: ‘…but you didn‘t take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning…‘
‘…so if you‘re so hot why are you broke?‘ asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.
‘Well,‘ he says, ‘first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical…‘
Algebraic symbols
Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician …
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person.
- They have multiplied, said the biologist.
- Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed.
- If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.
Old mathematicians never die …
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
What is 2 * 2 ?
Several scientists were all posed the following question: ‘What is 2 * 2 ?‘
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it‘s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces ‘3.99‘.
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces ‘it lies between 3.98 and 4.02‘.
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: ‘I don‘t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!‘.
Philosopher smiles: ‘But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?‘
Logician replies: ‘Please define 2 * 2 more precisely.‘
The sociologist: ‘I don‘t know, but is was nice talking about it‘.
Behavioral Ecologist: ‘A polygamous mating system‘.
Medical Student : ‘4‘
All others looking astonished : ‘How did you know?‘
Medical Student : ‘I memorized it.‘
A Mathematician and a Wall Street Broker
A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician.
‘You are too theoretical,‘ he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money.
Triumphantly, he exclaimed, ‘I told you, I knew the secret!‘
‘What is your secret?‘ the mathematician asked.
‘It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine.‘
‘But, three and five is eight,‘ the mathematician protested.
‘I told you, you are too theoretical!‘ the broker replied, ‘Haven‘t I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9!‘
A tragedy of mathematics
A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.
7 and 7 is 11
A woman from Chelm went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. ‘How much is it?‘ she asked the storekeeper.
‘14 cents,‘ answered the storekeeper to the lady.
‘14 cents! For what?‘ asked the lady.
The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents.‘
‘I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11.‘
‘What are your saying?‘
‘As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11…I had already had 4 children when my first husband died. When I married a second time, my second husband also had 4 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had 3 children together. So each of us had 7 children, and together we had 11!
Obviously, 7 and 7 is 11.‘
Open the Can
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: ‘Assume we have a can opener …‘