Its All About Jokes

Math is like love …
Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?

Pupil: That‘s not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

L.A. Math Test
City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam

Name:____________________
Gang:________________________

1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn‘t cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4×4. If he has stolen 2 BMW‘s and 3 4×4‘s, how many Chevy‘s will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?

7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

Football Math Test
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, ‘I‘m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.‘

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, ‘Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?‘

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, ‘4?‘

‘Did you say 4?‘ the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, ‘Come on coach, give him another chance!‘

Pi
Several scientists were all posed the following question: ‘What is pi ?‘

The engineer said: ‘It is approximately 3 and 1/7‘

The physicist said: ‘It is 3.14159‘

The mathematician thought a bit, and replied ‘It is equal to pi‘.

A nutritionist: ‘Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!‘

Solve Indian puzzles
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

‘Correct,‘ said the chief. ‘How did you figure it out?‘

The warrior answered, ‘It‘s elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.‘

Answering Machine Messages – 49 (Algebra)
Please leave your name and number — But first, a short algebra quiz: How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Pause while caller thinks) 10Q You‘re welcome!

Why couldn‘t the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
Q: Why couldn‘t the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?

A: She didn‘t know what ONE came first…

What‘s 2 and 2?
Teacher: What‘s 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That‘s good.
Pupil: Good?, that‘s perfect!

An engineer, physicist & mathematician in a hotel
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.

The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.

Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.

Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, ‘Ah, a solution exists!‘ and then goes back to bed.