Its All About Jokes

Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old, but they know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa‘s father to ask for his blessing.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says ‘Mr. Jones, me and Lisa are in love and I want to ask you for your blessing.‘

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Jones replies, ‘Well Johnny, you‘re only 10. Where will you two live?‘

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies ‘In Lisa‘s room. It‘s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.‘

Still thinking this is just cute, Mr. Jones says, ‘Okay then how will you live? You‘re not old enough to get a job. How will you afford food and rent?‘

Again, Johnny instantly replies, ‘With our allowance. Lisa gets 5 bucks a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That‘s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine.‘

By this time Mr. Jones is realizing that Johnny has put much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won‘t have an answer to.

He then says, ‘Well Johnny, it seems like you‘ve got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should kids of your own?‘

Johnny shrugs his shoulders and says ‘We‘ve been lucky so far…‘

Little Johnny walked into his dad‘s bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed putting a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny‘s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously ‘Whatcha doin daddy?‘

His father quickly replied, ‘I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied

‘Whatcha gonna do, f*@#% him?‘

A door-to-door salesman comes-a-knocking and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other.
The salesman says, ‘Little boy, is your mommy home?‘
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, ‘What the hell do you think?‘

Little Johnny returned from school and saying he got an ‘F‘ in Math.

‘Why?‘ asked his father.

‘The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?‘ I said ‘6‘

‘But that‘s right!‘, said his dad, upset at the injustice.

‘Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?‘

‘What‘s the f*@#%! difference?‘ asked his dad.

Little Johnny replied ‘That‘s exactly what I said!‘

Little Johnny‘s teacher asks, ‘What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?‘

Little Johnny replies, ‘A teacher.‘

Little Johnny‘s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, ‘Johnny, this is where you came from.‘

Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as ‘Lucky Johnny.‘

‘Why?‘ one asked.

Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, ‘Because I came this close to being a turd‘.

Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, when his teacher states the fact that only humans stutter, and no other animal in the world does.

Johnny raises his hand and says. ‘You‘re wrong, Miss Finch!‘

‘Really, would you mind telling us why that is Johnny?,‘ replies the teacher.

‘Well, Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbors‘ Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went ‘fffff! fffff! fffff!‘, and before he could say ‘Fuck!‘, the dog ate him!‘

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, ‘Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine.‘

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ‘What are you doing?‘

The little boy answered, ‘I‘m doing my math homework.‘

‘ And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?‘ the mother asked. ‘Yes,‘ he answered.

Infuriated, the called Little Johnny‘s teacher the next day, ‘What are you teaching my son in class?‘

The teacher replied, ‘Right now, we are learning addition.‘ The mother asked, ‘And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?‘

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, ‘What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four.‘

That little bastard Little Johnny was passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his parents in the act.

Before his Dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, “Oh boy! Horsey ride. Daddy can I ride on your back?”

Daddy, relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon his mummy starts moaning and gasping and Johnny cries out, “Hang on tight, Daddy. This is the part where me and the milkman usually gets bucked off!”

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

… the teacher fainted!