Its All About Jokes

Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher‘s sermon dragged on and on.

Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, ‘Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?‘

Little Johnny asked his father, ‘Dad, can you write in the dark?‘

His father said, ‘I think so. What do you want me to write?‘

Little Johnny replied, ‘Oh, just sign this report card for me…‘

Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell ‘straight,‘ little Johnny did so without error.

‘Bravo,‘ said the teacher, ‘now, what does it mean?‘

‘Without water in it.‘

A priest was talking to a group of kids about ‘being good‘ and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, ‘Where do you want to go?‘

‘Heaven! Heaven!‘ Yelled Little Lisa..

‘And what do you have to be to get there?‘ asked the priest.

‘Dead!‘ Yelled Little Johnny.

Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school. Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

‘Hold on,‘ she said. ‘I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved.‘

Little Johnny‘s teacher says, ‘Class, today we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?‘

Little Johnny raises his hand, ‘Me, Miss Finch!‘

Miss Finch turns towards the eager young lad, ‘All right, Little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable
word?‘

Little Johnny says, ‘Mas-tur-bate‘.

Miss Finch smiles and says, ‘Well, little Johnny, that sure is a mouthful!‘.

Little Johnny says, ‘No, Miss Finch, you‘re thinking of a blowjob‘.

Little Johnny‘s teacher said, ‘Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister‘s.‘

Did you copy hers?, she asked.

Johnny replied, ‘No, teacher, it‘s the same dog!‘

One day, the teacher asked her class ‘What vegetable makes you cry?‘

Little Johnny replies ‘a turnip‘.

‘No Johnny‘ says the teacher, ‘Onions make you cry, not turnips‘

‘No Miss‘ Says Johnny, ‘Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?‘

The Teacher asked Little Johnny, ‘How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?‘

Little Johnny replied, ‘Just Don‘t bite any.‘

An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor.

Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said,
‘If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn‘t fall like that.

The old man looked up and replied, ‘If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus.‘