Its All About Jokes

On the way home from the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet and sad.
His father noticed him crying and asked,

‘What‘s wrong, little Johnny?‘

Between sniffles little Johnny replied, ‘That priest said he
wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want
to stay with you!!‘

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.

‘Hello Johnny, what are you up to?‘ he asked.

‘My goldfish died and I‘m gonna bury him,‘ Johnny replied.

‘That‘s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn‘t it?‘ asked the neighbor.

‘That‘s because he‘s inside your cat!‘

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, ‘My daddy fell in well last week.‘

‘Good Lord!‘ the teacher exclaimed. ‘Is he OK?‘

‘He must be,‘ said Little Johnny. ‘He stopped calling for help yesterday.‘

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face.

‘Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?‘ he
asked.

‘To stay pretty for daddy,‘ said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with
a tissue.

‘What‘s the matter mommy?‘ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?‘

Little Johnny walked into the house covered in filth. His mom asked, ‘Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?‘

Johnny replied, ‘ I‘m a lot closer to the ground than you are.‘

Little Johnny was getting bad grades in school. One day
he stepped up to the teacher‘s desk, and announced, ‘I don‘t want to scare you Miss Finch, but daddy says if I don‘t get better grades… somebody is gonna get a spanking.‘

A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, ‘Do you believe in the Devil?‘

‘No,‘ said Little Johnny. ‘It‘s the same as Santa Claus. I know it‘s my daddy.‘

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: ‘I ain‘t had no fun in months.‘ Then asked the class, ‘How should I correct this sentence?‘

Little Johnny raised his had and replied, ‘Get yourself a new boyfriend.‘

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and he really needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled, ‘Teacher, Teacher, I have to go pee pee!‘
The teacher replied, ‘Now, Johnny, you should be old enough to know that this is not the proper word to use?‘

‘The correct word would be urinate.‘
‘Now Johnny, would you please use the word urinate in a sentence?‘

Little Johnny thought for a moment then said:, ‘You‘re an eight, but if you had bigger boobs you‘d be a ten!‘

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

‘Yes,‘ he says. ‘My daddy taught me.‘

‘Can you tell me what comes after three?‘

‘Four,‘ answers little Johnny.

‘What comes after six?‘

‘Seven,‘ answers little Johnny.

‘Very good,‘ says the teacher. ‘Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?‘

‘A jack,‘ answers little Johnny.