Its All About Jokes

Little Johnny‘s teacher asks, ‘What is the chemical formula for water?‘

Little Johnny replies, ‘HIJKLMNO‘!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, ‘What on Earth are you talking about?‘

Little Johnny replies, ‘Yesterday you said it was H to O!‘

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

‘So how was it?‘ his mother asked when they returned home.

‘Great,‘ Little Johnny replied.

‘Did you and daddy have a good time?‘ asked his mother.

‘Yeah, daddy really liked it too,‘ exclaimed Little Johnny, ‘especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!‘

One day, Little Johnny‘s grandmother sent him to the water
hole to get some water for cooking dinner.

As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma‘s house as fast as he could.

‘Where‘s my bucket and my water?‘ She asked.

‘I can‘t get any water from that water hole, there‘s a mean ol‘ alligator down there!‘

‘Now don‘t you mind that ol‘ alligator, Johnny. He‘s been
there for years, and he‘s never hurt no one. Why, he‘s probably as scared of you as you are of him!‘

‘Well, Grandma,‘ replied Johnny, ‘if he‘s as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain‘t fit to drink!‘

Little Johnny was on his way back home from the store with a
loaf of bread in one hand, and his other hand in his pants
pocket.

Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little
Johnny and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to go preach the gospel of the Holy Bible to the young boy.

Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, ‘I see that you have the ‘Staff of Life‘ in one hand.‘

‘Yep,‘ replies little Johnny. ‘And I have a loaf of bread in
the other!‘

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful‘ in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.‘

‘Very good, Lisa,‘ replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy.

‘My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,‘ he said.

‘Excellent, Michael!‘

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny…

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful!‘

Little Johnny‘s Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

‘Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms,‘ said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. ‘Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?‘ he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, ‘Drink whiskey and you won‘t get worms!‘

Little Johnny‘s teacher asks, ‘George Washington not only chopped down his father‘s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn‘t punish him?‘

Little Johnny replies, ‘Because George was the one holding the axe?

‘If you had a dollar,‘ quizzed the teacher, ‘and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?‘

‘One dollar.‘ answered little Johnny

‘You don‘t know your basic math.‘ said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.

Little Johnny shook his head too, ‘You don‘t know my daddy.‘

Little Johnny wasn‘t a very good at speller. One day, during a
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word ‘new‘ on the
blackboard. ‘Now,‘ she asked Johnny, ‘what word would we
have if we placed a ‘K‘ in the front?‘

After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, ‘Canoe?‘