Its All About Jokes

This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on. The bartender goes, ‘Where’d you get the great shirt mate?’ The man replies, ‘David Jones.’ This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and the bartender goes ‘Where’d you get the great pants mate?’ The man replies, ‘ David Jones.’ This 3rd guy walks into the bar with really great shoes and sock on. The bartender goes, ‘Where’d you get the great shoes and socks mate?’ The man replies, ‘David Jones.’ Then this 4th guy runs in naked and the bartender goes, ‘Look Who the hell are you mate?’ And the naked guy says, ‘I’m David Jones!’

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I‘ll buy you another drink. I just can‘t stand to see a man cry.“

“No, it‘s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.“

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.“

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible.

What‘s the problem?“

“My mother died in June,“ he said, “and left me $10,000.“

“Gee, that‘s tough,“ he replied.

“Then in July,“ the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $50,000.“

“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you‘re depressed.“

“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.“

“Three close family members lost in three months?

How sad.“

“Then this month,“ continued, the friend, “nothing! “

A young boy had just

gotten his driving permit.

He asked his father,

who was a minister,

if they could discuss his use

of the family car.

His father said to him,

“I‘ll make a deal with you.

You bring your grades up,

study your bible a little,

and get your hair cut,

then we will talk about it.“

A month later the boy came back

and again asked his father if

they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, “Son,

I‘m real proud of you.

You have brought your grades up,

you‘ve studied your bible diligently,

but you didn‘t get a hair cut!“

The young man waited a moment

and replied, “You know dad,

I‘ve been thinking about that.

You know Samson had long hair,

Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair,

and even Jesus had long hair.“

His father replied,

“Yes son,

and they walked everywhere they went!“

hree sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.“

The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes.“

The third smiled and said, “I‘ve got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can‘t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He‘s one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.“

Soon thereafter,

Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

“Dear Milton,“ she wrote one son, “The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!“

“Dear Gerald,“ she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes.“

“Dearest Donald,“ she wrote to her third son, “You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes.

The chicken was Dee-licious!“ (bcz she can‘t see very well)

Once a hen belonging to Pakistani living on border laid an egg in Indian region.

The Indian quickly came and took it up. Pakistani came and claimed it. Indian said it was in his region so it belonged to him.

Then Pakistani said to him “See, instead of fighting we will do one thing. We will kick in each other‘s stomach one by one. One who doesn‘t yell in pain at all will get the egg“.

Indian agreed. Pakistani took first turn and ran from distance and kicked very hardly in Indian‘s stomach.

“Ummmmm“ Indian controlled his yell and said “Ok now it‘s my turn…“

Pakistani said “Forget man, Why to fight for a simple egg. You take it as a gift from me!“