Its All About Jokes

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.

The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke…
‘From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.

The first one is ‘gross‘
And the other one is ‘cool‘
Are there any questions?‘

After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand,
and the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks…

‘So, what are they?‘

Three immigrants to the U. S. were just mastering the language. One was telling the others about the difficulty they were having in attempting to start a family. He said, ‘I think my wife must be impregnable.‘ The second said,‘ that‘s not the right word, she is inconceivable‘. To which the third replied, ‘You are both wrong she is unbearable.‘

Did you ever notice?
When you put the two words
‘The‘ and ‘IRS‘ together
it spells ‘THEIRS‘?

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, ‘You‘ll know you‘re really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French.‘
The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, ‘Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!‘ ‘Great!‘ said the teacher; ‘what were they saying?‘ ‘I don‘t know,‘ the boy replied; ‘I couldn‘t understand them.‘

Teacher: Farai, what are the two days of the week, which start with letter ‘T‘?
Farai: Today and tomorrow Sir.

Q. Why did the amoebae flunk the math test?
A. Because it multiplied by dividing!

Q. What‘s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A. A cat has its claws at the end of its paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

Called to the scene of a magnificent celestial display, the professor watched as a bright object dashed through the skies over New Mexico. When he returned to his observatory, reporters asked him if what he had seen was really a UFO.
Looking them straight in the eye, the impassive scientist replied, “No comet”

A driving instructor: What would you do if you were going up an icy hill and the motor stalled and brakes failed?
His student replied; I’d quickly adjust the rearview mirror.

Q: How do young wizards and witches correct their homework?
A: They use a spell-checker.