Doctors Jokes Collection
The man told his doctor that he wasn‘t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said, ‘Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.‘
‘Well, in plain English,‘ the doctor replied, ‘you‘re just lazy.‘
‘OK,‘ said the man. ‘Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.‘
‘Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors‘ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.‘
A woman was having a medical problem – her husband‘s snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her ‘suffering.‘
‘Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.‘
‘My goodness!‘ the woman exclaimed, ‘it sounds like leasing a new sports car!‘
‘Humm,‘ the doctor murmured, ‘too obvious, huh?‘
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse. ‘Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?‘ the Doc asked.
‘No,‘ replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. ‘I could only do about 15 minutes!‘
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car,when he spotted the world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The
heart surgeon was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, ‘Hello Doctor, please come on over here for a minute.‘
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic where he stood. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ‘So doctor, look at this here. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?‘ The doctor smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic
‘Try doing it with the engine running!‘
While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.
‘As you can see,‘ she says, ‘the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Morris, what would you do in a case like this?‘
‘Well,‘ ponders the student, ‘I suppose I‘d limp too.‘
‘Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade‘
‘Dont panic, i‘m coming immediately, have you done anything yet?‘
‘Yeah, i shaved with the electric razor.‘
Doctor, Doctor, Youve got to help me – i just cant stop my hands shaking!‘Did you drink a lot?‘Not really – most of it spilled out!‘
Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the viloin after the operation?
‘Yes, ofcourse..‘Great! I never could before!‘
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated, ‘I‘m afraid we‘re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside of you.‘Well if it‘s just because of them, I‘d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.‘