Its All About Jokes

‘President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage
war, and I‘m thinking, well, hell, he didn‘t need the approval of the American
voters to become president, either.‘

Vote Bush in ‘04: ‘I Has Incumbentory Advantitude‘

Bush/Cheney ‘04: This time, elect us!

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Don‘t Change Whores in Midstream.

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Because the truth just isn‘t good enough.

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Four More Wars!

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Assimilate. Resistance is Futile.

Bush/Cheney ‘04: It‘s still Clintons Fault

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Making the world a better place, one country at a time.

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Less CIA — More CYA.

Vote for Bush & You Get Dick!

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Apocalypse Now!

With a Bush, a Dick and a Colin, everyone gets screwed

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Iran and Syria are still out there.

Bush/Cheney ‘04: Building a Bridge to the Great Depression

Do you know enough to justify going to war with Iraq?

1. Q: What percentage of the world‘s population does the U.S. have?
A: 6%
2. Q: What percentage of the world‘s wealth does the U.S. have?
A: 50%
3. Q: Which country has the largest oil reserves?
A: Saudi Arabia
4. Q: Which country has the second largest oil reserves?
A: Iraq
5. Q: How much is spent on military budgets a year worldwide?
A: $900+ billion
6. Q: How much of this is spent by the U.S.?
A: 50%
7. Q: What percent of US military spending would ensure the essentials of life
to everyone in the world, according the UN?
A: 10% (that‘s about$40 billion, the amount of funding initially requested to
fund our retaliatory attack on Afghanistan).
8. Q: How many people have died in wars since World War II?
A: 86 million
9. Q: How long has Iraq had chemical and biological weapons?
A: Since the early 1980‘s.
10. Q: Did Iraq develop these chemical & biological weapons on their own?
A: No, the materials and technology were supplied by the US government, along
with Britain and private corporations.
11. Q: Did the US government condemn the Iraqi use of gas warfare against
Iran?
A: No
12. Q: How many people did Saddam Hussein kill using gas in the Kurdish town
of Halabja in 1988?
A: 5,000
13. Q: How many western countries condemned this action at the time?
A: 0
14. Q: How many gallons of agent Orange did America use in Vietnam?
A: 17million.
15. Q: Are there any proven links between Iraq and September 11th terrorist
attack?
A: No
16. Q: What is the estimated number of civilian casualties in the Gulf War?
A: 35,000
17. Q: How many casualties did the Iraqi military inflict on the western
forces during the Gulf War ?
A: 0
18. Q: How many retreating Iraqi soldiers were buried alive by U.S. tanks with
ploughs mounted on the front?
A: 6,000
19. Q: How many tons of depleted uranium were left in Iraq and Kuwait after
the Gulf War?
A: 40 tons
20. Q: What according to the UN was the increase in cancer rates in Iraq
between 1991 and 1994?
A: 700%
21. Q: How much of Iraq‘s military capacity did America claim it had destroyed
in 1991?
A: 80%
22. Q: Is there any proof that Iraq plans to use its weapons for anything
other than deterrence and self defense?
A: No
23. Q: Does Iraq present more of a threat to world peace now than 10 years
ago?
A: No
24. Q: How many civilian deaths has the Pentagon predicted in the event of an
attack on Iraq in 2002/3?
A: 10,000
25. Q: What percentage of these will be children?
A:Over 50%
26. Q: How many years has the U.S. engaged in air strikes on Iraq?
A: 11 years
27. Q: Were the U.S and the UK at war with Iraq between December 1998 and
September 1999?
A: No
28. Q: How many pounds of explosives were dropped on Iraq between December
1998 and September 1999?
A: 20 million
29. Q: How many years ago was UN Resolution 661 introduced, imposing strict
sanctions on Iraq‘s imports and exports?
A: 12 years
30. Q: What was the child death rate in Iraq in 1989 (per 1,000 births)?
A: 38
31. Q: What was the estimated child death rate in Iraq in 1999 (per 1,000
births)?
A: 131 (that‘s an increase of 345%)
32. Q: How many Iraqis are estimated to have died by October 1999 as a result
of UN sanctions?
A: 1.5 million
33. Q: How many Iraqi children are estimated to have died due to sanctions
since 1997?
A: 750,000
34. Q: Did Saddam order the inspectors out of Iraq?
A: No
35. Q: How many inspections were there in November and December 1998?
A: 300
36. Q: How many of these inspections had problems?
A: 5
37. Q: Were the weapons inspectors allowed entry to the Ba‘ath Party HQ?
A: Yes
38. Q: Who said that by December 1998, ‘Iraq had in fact, been disarmed to a
level unprecedented in modern history.‘
A: Scott Ritter, UNSCOM chief.
39. Q: In 1998 how much of Iraq‘s post 1991 capacity to develop weapons of
mass destruction did the UN weapons inspectors claim to have discovered and
dismantled?
A: 90%
40. Q: Is Iraq willing to allow the weapons inspectors back in ?
A: Yes
41. Q: How many UN resolutions did Israel violate by 1992?
A: Over 65
42. Q: How many UN resolutions on Israel did America veto between 1972 and
1990?
A: 30+
44. Q: How many countries are known to have nuclear weapons?
A: 8
45. Q: How many nuclear warheads has Iraq got?
A: 0
46. Q: How many nuclear warheads has US got?
A: Over 10,000
47. Q: Which is the only country to use nuclear weapons?
A: The US
48. Q: How many nuclear warheads does Israel have?
A: Over 400
50. Q: Who said, ‘Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about
things that matter‘?
A: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

‘The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the
support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want
to make it perfectly clear to the world that you‘re not an imperialist, the
people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain.‘

‘It was reported that two of Osama bin Laden‘s sons were apprehended in
Afghanistan, but President Bush is not gloating, he said he knows how
embarrassing it is when your kids get arrested.‘

‘I read that the president was interrupted 73 times by applause and 75 times
by really big words.‘

‘I‘m glad you all recovered from the president‘s press conference last night.
Did you see that press conference? I don‘t want to say there‘s nothing new
there, but at one point the closed captioning actually said ‘blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.‘ …The president was so subdued and there were so many long pauses,
the Washington Post suggested today that he may have been on drugs. Apparently
we are seeing the side effects of a powerful codeine-based smirk inhibitor.‘

‘According to the Associated Press, there‘s a rumor that Saddam Hussein is now
hiding weapons in schools. When asked why, Saddam said, because a school is the
last place President Bush will look.‘

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy“ so the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of “tragedy“.

One little boy stood up and offered..“if my best friend, who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.“

“No“ said Bush, “that would be an accident“.

A little girl raised her hand. “ If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.“

‘Im afraid not‘ explained the President “that‘s what we would call a great loss“

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room “Isn‘t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy“?

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said “If Air Force One, carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a “friendly fire“ missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.“

“Fantastic“! exclaimed Bush. “That‘s right, and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy“?

“Well“ says the boy – “it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn‘t be a great loss and it probably wouldn‘t be an accident either“.

Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. Santa walks in and asks the barman, “Isn`t that Bush and Powell?“

The barman says “Yep, thats them.“

So the Santa walks over and says, “Hello, what are you guys doing?“

And Bush says, “We`re planning world war 3“

And Santa says, “Really? What`s going to happen?“

And Bush says, “Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Afghans this time and one bicycle repairman.“

And Santa exclaimed, “A bicycle repairman?!!!“

So Bush turns to Powell and says, “ See, I told you no-one would worry about the 140 million Afghans!“