Its All About Jokes

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, ‘Is something wrong?‘ ‘There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying ‘You‘ve Got Mail.‘

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she‘s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank‘s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank‘s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, ‘Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?‘ The blond replies………………….‘Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?‘ Finally, a smart blonde.

There was a married blonde who was very concerned about her stupidity to her husband, so she decides to make it up to him by painting the house while he‘s at work.

When her husband came home, the house was suspiciously green and smelled like paint, so he went to her wife to see what‘s going on. When he went in the bedroom, she was still painting while she was wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket. The husband said ‘I like what you did to the house, but why are you wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket?‘ The blonde responds ‘When I was reading the instructions on the can, it said ‘FOR BEST RESULTS, USE TWO COATS!‘

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head that was going on vacation to a native island. The brunette brought a portable fridge with her. The red-head asked her ‘Why are you carrying a fridge with you?‘ The brunette replies ‘To keep all of our food in.‘ The red-head is carrying a shotgun with her. The brunette asks ‘Why do you have that shotgun?‘ The red-head says ‘Just in case we run out of food, we can kill something to eat.‘ The blonde is carrying their car door with her. They both ask the blonde ‘Why are you carrying our car door?‘ The blonde says ‘Just in case it gets too hot, I can roll the window down.‘

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says ‘Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.‘ The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they‘ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, ‘Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!‘ Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says ‘Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!‘ When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says ‘ Hi, my name is Kevin, it‘s winter in Canada and I‘m driving the SALT TRUCK!‘

Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It‘s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven‘t met!

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that‘s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q. What‘s a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme