Animal Jokes Collection
A chicken goes into a library and says, ‘Bok,‘ so the librarian gives it a book. Ten minutes later the same chicken comes in again and says, ‘Bok bok.‘ The librarian gives the chicken two books, but being a bit curious, follows the chicken down the road where the chicken meets a frog. The frog says to the chicken, ‘Redit, redit!‘
There is this old rooster on a farm. One day the farmer said that he needs a younger rooster. So he buys one. He brings it back to the farm. The old rooster says, ‘I bet I can race you around the barn 3 times and win‘. Then the younger rooster says ‘your on‘. Then when they start the race, the old rooster jumps ahead, the younger rooster is right behind him. One lap, two laps, 2 and a half laps then BANG the young rooster is blown to smithereenes!!! The farmer was on his porch with his shot gun. Then the farmer says, ‘THATS THE 2ND FUCKIN GAY ROOSTER I HAVE HAD THIS WEEK.‘
A duck walks into a bar and asks ‘got any crackers?‘ bartender says no. Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks, ‘got any crackers?‘ bar tender says no. Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks got any crackers? Bartender says, ‘I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time I‘ll nail your beak shut!‘ Duck walks out. Duck comes back the next day and asks, ‘got any nails?‘ bartender says no. Duck says ‘good. Got any crackers?‘
A man and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly the man notices a low flying airplane coming right for them. So the man yells DUCK!!!! and the duck yells back at the man with an angry face MAN!!!!
A duck walks into a bar. He looks like the happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, ‘Why are you so happy today?‘
The duck replies, ‘I‘ve been playing in puddles all day.‘ The duck proceeds to order a beer and enjoy it at the bar.
A little while later another duck walks in the bar. He looks like the second happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, ‘Why are you so happy today?‘
The duck gives the bartender the same answer, ‘I‘ve been playing in puddles all day.‘ This duck also orders a beer and enjoys it at the bar.
A third duck enters the bar, the total opposite of the first two ducks. He looks like the saddest duck in the world. The bartender asks the duck, ‘What‘s wrong with you?‘
The duck replies, ‘My name is Puddles and I‘ve had a terrible day.‘
The Persistent Duck
A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ‘Got any duck feed?‘
The clerk tells him, ‘No, we don‘t have a market for it so we don‘t carry it.‘
The duck says, ‘Okay,‘ and leaves.
The next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, ‘Got any duck feed?‘ Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, ‘Got any duck feed?‘ The clerk says, ‘I‘ve told you twice, we don‘t have duck feed, we‘ve never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I‘ll nail your feet to the floor.‘ The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, ‘Got any nails?‘
‘No.‘
‘Got any duck feed?‘
No Bread
One day there was a duck at the bar and he asked if he could get some bread and the bartender said he didn‘t have any but the duck asked again and he said no got any bread.
NO.
Got any bread.
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Got bread.
Don‘t you get it no spells no and if you don‘t shut up i‘ll nail your beak to the bar.
Got any nails.
No.
Got any bread.
Q: What time does a duck wake up at?
A: at the quick of dawn!!
Q: What do mice do when they‘re at home ?
A: Mousework !
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat ?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty‘ !