Its All About Jokes

Q: Who is the dogs favourite comedian?
A: Growlcho Marx!

Q: Why don‘t dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet.

Dog Who Played Baseball

During the local match, a spectator was surprised to see a dog walk onto the pitch and start pitching, eventually striking out the other all star team, and scoring two home runs.
‘That‘s incredible!‘ he exclaimed to the man next to him.

‘Yes,‘ he said, ‘but he‘s a terrible disappointment to his parents. They wanted him to be a footballer.‘

Smart Dog

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it‘s his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, ‘How many pounds?‘
The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef.

He then said, ‘Anything else?‘

The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, ‘How many?‘

The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.

The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog‘s neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, ‘That‘s a really smart dog you have there.‘

The owner said, ‘He‘s not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key.‘

Q: What do you call a dog that‘s always on the phone?
A: A dial-mation.

AP December 12, 1999 – The Energizer Bunny, known best for, ‘going and going and going…‘ passed away last evening at 12:42am.
Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming,…

Foul play has not been ruled out.

A man was driving along one day and he hit a rabbit. Feeling terrible he stopped and got out of the car to see if it was badly hurt. To his dismay, the rabbit was dead. Unsure what to do, the man runs to the nearest building, which happens to be a salon. He says to the hairdresser, ‘I‘ve just hit and killed a rabbit in the middle of the road! What should I do?‘ The hairstylist thinks a moment, then says ‘I think I have just the thing.‘ He grabs a few bottles from a shelf and runs out to the rabbit. Opening the bottles, he poured the contents onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit jumps up, shakes itself, looks around, then hops of. It went a few feet, then turned and waved, went a few more feet, then turned and waved again. This odd behavior continued untill the rabbit was out of sight. The man looked and the Hairdresser in amazement and says, ‘Wow! What did you do?‘ ‘Oh,‘ the stylist responded, ‘ I gave it a hair revitilisant with a wave!‘

Q: How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy?
A: Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!

Q: Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring?
A: Because he heard it was 18 carrots!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken, with a satisfied smile on it‘s face, is leaning up against the headboard smoking a ciggy.

The egg, looking pissed off, grabs the sheets, rolls over, and says ‘Well I guess we just answered THAT question!‘