Its All About Jokes

The bear stood up on its hind legs and growled ferociously, clearly preparing to charge.

In panic, the Christian started to run, but the bear followed close on his heels.

Finally the hiker came to a cliff. So he dropped to his knees and asked God to please make this bear a good Christian bear.

To the hiker’s amazement, the bear suddenly stopped growling, fell to his knees and folded his paws together in prayer!

‘Thank you, Lord!‘ exclaimed the Christian.

‘Thank you, Lord!‘ exclaimed the bear, ‘for this meal I‘m about to receive!‘

Bear and Rabbit

This bear and this rabbit were talking.
The bear asked the rabbit, ‘Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?‘

The rabbit said, ‘No.‘

So the bear picked up the rabbit and used it to wipe his butt.

One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, ‘Mom? Am I a polar bear?‘
‘Well of course son!‘

The cub replied, ‘You’re sure I‘m not a panda bear or a black bear?‘

‘No, of course not. Now run outside and play.‘

But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.

The cub asks, ‘Dad, am I a polar bear?‘

‘Why of course son!‘ the papa polar bear gruffly replies.

The cub continues, ‘I don‘t have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?‘

‘No son. I‘m a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?‘

‘Because I‘m freezing my BUTT off!!‘

Three nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read: ‘BEAR LEFT.‘
So they turned around and went home.

There were these three bears were out for a drive in a car, when they accidentally drove off a cliff and into a lake.
Q: Which bear did not get wet?
A: The dribear.

Q: Which bear saw the accident?
A: The neighbear.

Q: Which bear came out of the car safely?
A: The surbibear.

Q: Which bear fixed the car?
A: The Macguybear.

Q: what‘s white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
A: a molar bear!

Cat Goes to Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, ‘You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know.‘ The cat thinks for a moment and says, ‘Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.‘ The Lord stops the cat and says, ‘Say no more,‘ and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer, ‘All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we‘re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don‘t have to run anymore?‘ The Lord says, ‘Say no more,‘ and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, ‘How are things since you got here?‘

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, ‘It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels‘ you‘ve been sending by are the best!‘

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when–all of a sudden–a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
‘Well, now,‘ says the old lady, ‘I guess I would like to be really rich.‘

*** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

‘And, gee, I guess I wouldn`t mind being a young, beautiful princess.‘

*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

‘Your third wish?‘ asks the fairy godmother.

Just then the old woman`s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

‘Ooh–can you change him into a handsome prince?‘ she asks.

*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:

‘Bet you`re sorry you had me neutered.‘

Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, ‘What are you up to there, Tim?‘ ‘My goldfish died,‘ replied Timmy tearfully, ‘and I‘ve just buried him.‘ The neighbor was concerned. ‘That‘s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn‘t it?‘ Little Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, ‘That‘s because he‘s inside your cat.‘

Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!

Q: What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool?
A: She had mittens!