Its All About Jokes

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner? So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says: ‘Congratulations, how did you do that?‘ The bat said: ‘Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family‘. ‘Very good‘ said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Dracula astonished says, ‘How did you do that?‘ The bat replies ‘ Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children‘. ‘Impressive‘ said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. ‘How on earth did you do that????‘ he asked. And the bat replies. ‘Do you see this tower?‘ Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says ‘Well, I didn‘t‘.

A lady approaches her priest and tells him ‘Father, I have a
problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how
to say one thing.‘
‘What do they say?‘ the priest inquired.
‘They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we‘re prostitutes. Want to have
some fun?‘
‘That‘s terrible!‘ the priest exclaimed, ‘but I have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I
will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to
pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the
joys of praise and worship.‘
‘Thank you!‘ the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest‘s
house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and
praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with
the male parrots and the female parrots say ‘Hi we‘re prostitutes,
want to have some fun?‘
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, ‘Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been
answered!‘

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back
seat. The police stop him and say that he can‘t drive around with the
penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and
drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins
in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who
says, ‘Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.‘

The man replies ‘I did. Today I‘m taking them to the movies.‘.

Q: Why do bears have fur coats ?
A:Because they‘d look stupid in anoraks!

Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!

Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
A; Fred bear!

Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A: A little bear!

Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
A: It lives on ice!

Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I‘ve been shooting in my shorts!

Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!