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  ARTHUR GUINESS & OTHER STORIES Theres a big conference
  ARTHUR GUINESS & OTHER STORIES

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

'Why don't you order a Guinness?' his colleagues ask.

'Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I.'


* * *

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, 'No way buddy you're too drunk.'

A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs 'give me a drink.'

The bartender says 'No man I told you last time you're too drunk'

Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says 'You're too drunk'

The drunk scratches his head and says 'Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing.'


* * *

One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. 'What's the matter?' the bartender asks.

'My wife and I got into a fight,' explained the guy 'and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days.'

The bartender thought about this for a while. 'But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?' asked the bartender.

' Yeah, except today is the last night.


* * *

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, 'Hey! How about it babe? You and me?'

As she got up to move, he said loudly, 'Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars.'

She looked back and replied just as loudly, 'What makes you think I charge by the inch?'

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