Its All About Jokes

Darth Vader, to Luke Skywalker: ‘I know what you’re getting for your birthday, Luke. I have felt your presents.’

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs, so she decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all have white knuckles.
The brunette asks, “What the heck’s goin’ on up here? We’re having a great time downstairs!”
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!”

‘When’s your birthday?’ ‘Ninth of December.’ ‘Which year?’ ‘Every year.’

A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
“How much will that be?” asks the neutron.
“For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge”

Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?
A: A catacomb!

Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?
A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!

Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?
A: Shredded tweet!

Q: Why do tomcats fight?
A: Because they like raising a stink!

Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?
A: They are both ginger nuts!

Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?
A: A catameringue!

Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A: A caterpillar!

Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
A: A Peking Tom!

Dad :
Son, What Do You Want For Your Birthday?
Son :
Not Much Dad,
Just A Radio
With A Sports Car Around It…

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are standing in front of the Mirror of Truth. It sucks up and kills anyone who tells a lie in front of it. So the brunette says, “I’m the smartest person in the world.” She gets sucked up and dies.The redhead says,”I’ve got the most curly hair,” and she gets sucked up and dies also. The blonde says,”I think…..” and she gets sucked up and dies.

Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?
A: A catacomb!

Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?
A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!

Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?
A: Shredded tweet!

Q: Why do tomcats fight?
A: Because they like raising a stink!

Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?
A: They are both ginger nuts!

Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?
A: A catameringue!

Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A: A caterpillar!

Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
A: A Peking Tom!

What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.